How To Speak Like A Stoic

How To Speak Like A Stoic

If you’ve mastered the art of peaceful speech, then it is likely that you have a very firm grasp over your guiding principles. If you have mastered the art of the pause in speech, then it is likely that you have clear convictions and great self-confidence. Truthful, loving speech, no matter the circumstances, is a harbinger of self-mastery. In this article, we’ll explore ten ways to speak like a Stoic. We’ll explore how some ancient Stoic practices have been adopted by modern psychiatrists and have come to define some of the most effective behavioral therapies of today. Finally, we’ll examine some of the most useful practices from those modern clinical practices, which will help us think and speak like a Stoic. 

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AI-generated image of a male ancient Stoic philosopher speaking into a microphone to represent an article called how to speak like a Stoic

This article draws inspiration from concepts discussed in the book How To Think Like A Roman Emperor by Donald Robertson (paid link), and I must give due credit to the author for his contributions to the ideas presented herein.

10 ways to speak like a Stoic 

 

1. Conciseness: The ability to use a few carefully selected words to clearly and succinctly make your point is a sign of inner clarity.

2. Objectivity: Stoics are truth-seekers. The points they convey are known to be shared reality, based on verifiable facts, not subjective opinion. 

3. Avoid evoking heavy emotion: When speaking with others, refrain from blame. Do not dissect their intentions and actions. Instead, focus on the facts of the matter. 

4. Catastrophizing is a self-fulfilling behavior: Catastrophizing is when we allow the mind’s penchant for storytelling to weave all kinds of fictitious outcomes into a real situation. For example, if one were to lose their job, to catastrophize over it would be to jump to the conclusions that they would also lose their home, their family, and, ultimately, their lives. When we catastrophize like this, we divert precious cognitive resources from the solution and squander our most precious resource, which is time. Losing one’s job does not necessarily lead to catastrophe. Often, in fact, it is an opportunity to realize change and growth.

 

For me, the example I just shared is not hypothetical. I shared the following story with the audience of Stoicon a few years ago. In 2019, I was laid off, along with about 100 coworkers. Many of my colleagues seemed to spend the majority of their remaining days on the job sitting around the kitchen complaining and blaming. It took effort on my part to refrain from joining in, because I could see how engaging in the blaming and the catastrophizing was cathartic. But I resisted. I ensured that every moment of my work day was spent looking for a new job. Eventually, after months of tireless effort, I found a new job. I still have that job, and it is much better than my previous job.

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Character is a Stoic’s currency

 

5. Avoid value judgments: This is a striking similarity with mindfulness. In mindfulness practices, we’re encouraged to refrain from labeling things as good or bad. This is particularly true of our own thoughts during meditation. Labels of good and bad are sticky. They’re incompatible with non-attachment and flow. A simple example: Instead of saying, ‘Oh shit, it’s raining,’ say, ‘It’s raining.’ 

6. Never lie: As mentioned, Stoic speech is about being an instrument for the truth. In Stoicism, a person’s moral character is their most important asset. To lie is to risk this invaluable asset. 

7. Don’t exaggerate: We often think of exaggeration in the context of storytelling. There’s the old trope of a fisherman’s catch getting bigger each time they tell the story. Most often, however, exaggeration occurs internally, in the form of internal dialog. We tend to blow things out of proportion, omit, and amplify. To speak like a Stoic is to think and speak with balance and fairness, adhering to the truth, and never relying on exaggeration to convince or persuade others or ourselves. 

8. Timeliness: They say you should never fire someone on a Friday. You should always fire them on a Monday. If you fire someone right before the weekend, they have no time but their own to process the bad news. If you fire someone on Monday, they have several work days ahead during which they can process. More importantly, other businesses are open for the remainder of the week, meaning if they’re resilient enough, then they can get to work calling on new job prospects immediately. Stoics look for the right moment to speak the truth, and they are abundantly patient when waiting for the right moment. 

9. Courage to speak out: Courage commonly plays out through speech. It takes courage to speak out against what you feel is wrong, especially when doing so may run counter to the mainstream view. Courage is one of the four Stoic virtues, so it is important that we uphold it through our speech, especially since occasions to say the right thing present themselves much more often than occasions to rush into a burning building. 

10. Listen: Stoicism is a social philosophy. It was never meant as a solitary practice. It was meant for people engaged in the world with other people. It was meant for navigating social tension and conflicting interests while trying your best to do good in this world. And to do that—to do good in this world while navigating the desires and interests of all those with whom we share space—we must listen. We must try to understand. As mentioned, Stoics seek the truth. They do not minimize, omit, or amplify. To do this effectively and consistently, they must understand others’ perspectives. Sometimes, this means remaining silent, leaving ample room for others to open up. 

AI-generated image of a female ancient Stoic philosopher speaking into a microphone to represent an article called how to speak like a Stoic

Modern cognitive behavioral therapy

 

Aaron Beck was considered the father of modern Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). In developing this therapeutic framework, still widely and effectively used to treat depression and anxiety disorders, Beck drew upon ancient philosophy. He was inspired by the Socratic method. He cited Epictetus as a direct influence from Stoicism. Unlike other established forms of psychiatry, which relied heavily on psychoanalysis, Beck’s CBT anchored itself in actual problems and solutions. It focuses on real thoughts, actions, and habits by teaching patients to challenge their assumptions about underlying beliefs and preconceived notions. It’s no wonder Beck took inspiration from Stoicism. He saw the value in truth-seeking—in learning to discard the fabrications and unhelpful value judgments we often attach to our thinking. 

 

CBT teaches patients to de-catastrophize by stripping away all the storytelling the mind likes to engage in. It teaches that catastrophizing is a verb. It’s something we do, which is very different from it being an accurate representation of reality. And if it’s something we do, it’s something we can undo. It teaches that catastrophizing is to wonder, ‘What if…?’ whereas de-catastrophizing is to ask, ‘So what…?’ The ‘what if?’ is based on fictitious fabrications of how events will happen to us, whereas the ‘so what?’ is a reality-based assessment of how we’ll respond to the scenario that is most likely to actually happen. 

Think like a Stoic to speak like a stoic

 

As mentioned in the opening of this article, succinct and deliberate speech is a sign of progress in one’s philosophical training. It’s not easy to speak with clarity consistently, especially as we switch contexts throughout the day, balancing the demands of home life with work responsibilities. This article is indeed about how to speak like a Stoic, but the Stoics knew that it is arguably more important to apply the ten practices for Stoic speech to our own internal dialog—to our thoughts. 

 

Marcus Aurelius said, “Do not be overheard complaining… not even to yourself.” This is one of my favorite Stoic quotes, because I’m reminded of it often. It serves me as a reminder that as an impartial observer of my thoughts, I can see how value judgments of events and circumstances are quite deceptive. I know I’m grateful for all the abundance in my life. I know I’m capable of handling just about anything life throws my way. It’s just that sometimes my mind likes to obfuscate the goodness that is always there in abundance in my life. The quote also reminds me that often all we need is a little mindfulness to shift our perspective towards a more positive one. 

 

So to say the Stoics advised us not to complain is an oversimplification. They actually advised us to use mindful awareness to observe how thoughts, especially value judgments, can distract ourselves from the innate good and simplicity that surrounds us. In his Handbook, Epictetus advised his students to speak to their thoughts, “You’re just a feeling and not really the thing you appear to represent.” 

 

Modern CBT is largely based on careful observation of our inner dialog, taking ownership over our value judgments, and using less poignant language to describe events factually to ourselves and to others. 

Cognitive distancing 

 

Here are a few modern CBT techniques for examining your thoughts and seeing fresh perspectives. These protocols are part of a general approach of CBT known as cognitive distancing. 

 

  1. Capture thoughts as they arise and jot them down succinctly.
  2. Write thoughts onto a whiteboard and observe them literally from afar.
  3. Prefix thoughts with a phrase like, ‘Right now, I notice that I am thinking X.’
  4. Analyze impartially the pros and cons of holding a particular viewpoint.
  5. Outline a troubling scenario using plain language, emphasizing the factual details.
  6. Track the frequency of specific thoughts using a tally system.
  7. Adopt different viewpoints and explore various perspectives on a given scenario.

Final thoughts 

 

There are few instruments as powerful as the human voice. It has the power to unite. It has the power to harm. A voice can move us through poetry or song. A voice can start a war. A voice can be the most comforting thing on Earth. In everyday life, your voice is no trivial thing. You must be diligent and purposeful with your speech to ensure that it promotes peace and not harm. The same principles of Stoic speech—conciseness, objectivity, and de-catastrophizing, to rename just a few—apply to your internal dialog just as well. Because just as your external speech has the power to harm or heal, your thoughts have the power to color your experience of life itself. 

 

Credits: 

I relied heavily on the book How To Think Like A Roman Emperor by Donald Robertson (paid link) when researching this article.

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Karma In Buddhism: Sowing The Seeds Of Love

Karma In Buddhism: Sowing The Seeds Of Love

In modern times, we use the word karma in many ways. ‘Ain’t karma a bitch’—meaning what ‘Goes around, comes around.’ It can also refer to the Golden Rule from the Hebrew and Christian Bible: ‘Do unto others what as you would have them do unto you.’ But, in the context of this article, we’re dealing with ancient times, and going back 2,500 years to India where the Buddha lived and taught. What is karma in Buddhism? Do we have to believe in reincarnation for karma to be relevant?

 

Karma is a Sanskrit word that literally means ‘action’ or ‘doing’. In Hinduism, it is believed that everyone is trapped in samsara (an endless cycle of birth-death-rebirth for eternity). The concept of karma in Hinduism describes a system in which beneficial effects are derived from past beneficial actions, and harmful actions create misery in your next lives. However, what was considered as a beneficial action was in the hands of the highest members of the caste system, the Brahmins. The Brahmin priests would perform a ritual on your behalf and that would bring you better karma for your next life. The problem was that if you were of the lower castes, even merchants, common laborers and especially the untouchables, that option was not available to you. You were trapped.

 

Karma in Buddhism

 

Along with The Four Noble Truths and The Eightfold Path, the Buddha repudiated the ancient concept of karma. The Buddha said that the ‘intent’ of the action is more important than the action itself and anyone, no matter what caste, had the power to change their own destiny by doing good deeds with the intention of caring. So each individual could change their destiny, not only in this life, but in future incarnations. It was a complete democratization of karma. In essence, the Buddha revolutionized ethics. With karma available to everyone, action and intention had real consequences. Essentially, it means that we are in charge of our own moral condition. The buck stops with you: your destiny and moral condition were no longer controlled by the whim of the gods or the rituals of the Brahmins. 

 

So answering the two questions I posed above, ‘What does karma mean in Buddhism?’ It means helping others and performing good deeds with the pure intention of compassion. ‘Do we have to believe in reincarnation?’ My answer to that is ‘No’. We can live in the present moment during this lifetime and help others. This requires no belief in reincarnation.

 

Related article: The Noble Eightfold Path: Guidance For Life’s Challenges

This post contains affiliate links, which help us keep the blog afloat. Click here for more information.

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Your mind is the garden

 

Before we can sow seeds of compassion, we must take care to choose fertile ground on which to sow. That means that we must act with an open heart and the right intention. Our mind is like a field, and performing actions is like sowing seeds in that field. Virtuous actions sow seeds of future happiness and non-virtuous actions sow seeds of future suffering. These seeds remain dormant in our mind until the conditions for them to ripen occur, and then they produce their harvest. 

 

We all have a lot of garbage in our lives. We can use that garbage as compost. We all suffer, but we must not allow our suffering to prevent us from seeing all the miracles of life. If one tree in our garden is sick, we must tend to it carefully, but don’t ignore the rest of your garden. A well-tended garden will bear life-sustaining fruits and vegetables along with beautiful blossoms that soothe the soul. Although flowers are impermanent, like us, it makes them all the more precious. 

 

Other ancient religious texts such as the Bhagavad Gita say that the secret to life is ‘to act well without attachment to the fruits of your labor.’ Most of us have heard ‘The road to hell is paved with good intentions.’ This extremely cynical view on good deeds may actually warn us to be very careful on how we approach and conduct our actions for the good. But we must act with good intentions. It is our intention that matters. If you are helping others and giving of your time, do not do so to gain ‘brownie points’ or recognition for your ‘success’. That is not karma. Real karma in Buddhism comes from a place of compassion for the suffering in the world. When we commit to something, we will experience some measure of failure as well as success. If we focus only on the results we will become discouraged and devastated. 

 

We can give our best, create what we can, and trust in the larger process of life itself. We can plan, care for, and tend to but we can’t control. We must let go of the outcome.

 

“Move forward as occasion offers. Never look around to see whether any shall note it. Be satisfied with success even in the smallest matter, and think that such a result is no trifle.” – Marcus Aurelius

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Be a vessel for virtue: watering your seeds

 

Buddhist thought and practice are skillful means for cultivating three basic elements of our own character: 1) Wisdom, 2) Compassion, and 3) Integrity. These are known as The Three Pillars of Buddhism. Buddhists have reverence for all life and this is called ‘virtue’. Our life on this planet is short and goes by in the blink of an eye, but the smallest act of kindness can change the world and if we cultivate integrity and kindness, we pass that on to others, to the next generation. We can literally become a vessel for virtue. Like a pitcher of fresh water we can pass it on to others so they can drink from the well of kindness and water their garden.

 

Related article: Watering Roots, Not Leaves: Cultivating Compassion Effectively

 

Tending our garden: cultivation of care

 

In Buddhism, ethical questions are not framed in terms of good and bad, but on suffering and its causes. Stealing is harmful to us and the wider community. Buddhist training does not view the world through the lens of ‘shame’, of the concept of ‘sin’ or speak of a God who sets moral rules and punishes wrongdoers. Instead, it describes the natural laws of karma (cause and effect), interconnectedness, and who we really are! 

 

Buddhist traditions teach that we are born with an innate basic goodness and inner nobility. There is no denying that all of our actions, words, and thoughts have direct consequences. Often, we judge people by their situation, appearance, and yes, wrongdoing. But Buddhists don’t regard those who do harm as ‘sinners’ or intrinsically ‘evil’. They act from ignorance, and their own suffering. We don’t know what suffering has caused the other person to act this way. Allow me to present a scenario for you.

 

You are at a busy market on a hot afternoon carefully selecting the freshest fruits and vegetables and after your purchase you head home with all your groceries stuffed in a large paper bag. Just as you approach a corner at an intersection, somebody bumps into you, causing you to fall and your groceries are strewn all over the sidewalk and crosswalk. Enraged, you jump to your feet ready to give someone hell. But, just behind you still lying on the sidewalk is a man with dark glasses and a white cane. He is blind. How quickly you change from raging anger to genuine concern for the welfare of this poor man. The spilled groceries no longer matter. 

 

Buddhism teaches that wrongdoing emanates from ignorance, delusion, cravings and that people are not inherently evil. In this case the culprit was literally blind.

Bean seeds germinating on a white background to represent an article on Karma in Buddhism

Karma in Buddhism: planting seeds on the Eightfold Path

 

“Plant a green tree in your heart and maybe the singing bird will come.”

 

“Plant a thought – harvest an act

 

Plant an act – harvest a habit.

 

Plant a habit – harvest a character

 

Plant a character – harvest a destiny.”

 

– First Nations Shoshone proverb

 

When we walk and live the Eightfold Path, we can act, not out of aversion or grasping, but as a labor of love. Our actions are a product of our wisdom and compassion, even when the immediate result is uncertain. When we act for the long-term, there will be pressure to take sides, grasp opinions, constantly measure the results, and try to control everything. But grasping is not the way to wisdom. 

 

“When we do the best that we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life, or in the life of another.” – Helen Keller

 

Praise and blame, obstacles and triumph will come and go. It is not given to us to know how our life will affect the world. What is given to us is to tend the intentions of the heart and plant beautiful seeds with our deeds. Do not doubt that your good actions will bear fruit, and that change for the better can arise from your life.

 

“Do not depend on the hope of results but concentrate on the value, the rightness, the truth of the work itself.” – Thomas Merton 

 

When our efforts seem futile, we can trust that in another time and place there may be unexpected results. When we are trying to address a problem, improve the state of the world, help a friend, comfort a grieving child, it may seem to be going nowhere. Yet our actions are like planting seeds in the ground. We don’t know for sure when they will bear fruit, and what seems like failure may be a time of gestation. Our work toward the good can be sustained if we don’t measure the success or failure of our actions by the immediate and superficial results. I think that is why I love gardening so much. It is so good for the soul and it teaches us patience. When I am working in a garden, I am totally in the here and now—without trying to be.

How to practice Karma in Buddhism

 

“It is for us to pray not for tasks equal to our powers, but for powers equal to our tasks; to go forward with a great desire forever beating at the door of our hearts as we travel toward our distant goal.” – Helen Keller

 

“To see things in the seed, that is genius.” – Lao Tzu

 

A person with little financial means or security may say to themselves, ‘But I have nothing to give.’ Oh yes you do, oh yes, we do. Act as if you matter, whatever you do in life, whether you feel that way or not. There are many ways in which we can give. Give away thanks. Give away praise. Give away information. Give away time. Time is a precious commodity in the modern era. Most importantly, give away love. Be kind to others, while including yourself in your circle of care.

 

“In giving you are throwing a bridge across the chasm of your solitude.” – Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

 

Give away information

 

So much of what we have in life comes with great difficulty. And, often, we see others struggle as much as we did. Turn this around, and begin giving others as much help as you can give. We must give with no expectations of return. More likely than not, however, the return will not only benefit the person you are helping, but you will find greater meaning in your own life. For some reason, when you become a support to others you become bigger than you are. Moreover, when people use what they have learned from you, your effect in this world is greatly magnified. 

 

Give away praise

 

Often the people we find most difficult to praise are the ones closest to us—our partners, our children, our parents, our co-workers. A lot of the difficulty comes from anger and resentment. Yet, surprisingly, when we praise the people in our lives, we release this negativity and open the door for their being loving toward us. In relationships, too many of us focus on the negative, and have no difficulty reminding significant others of their shortcomings. No wonder so many relationships don’t last. It is natural that we want our loved ones to be affirming and supportive. It is important to surround ourselves with giving, loving, and nurturing people. You must become what you want to attract; be the kind of person you would want to surround yourself with. The laws of attraction: like attracts like.

 

Give away time

 

In this modern era, time, literally, is the most precious commodity. There never seems to be enough of it. I watch my son who has just become a father (I’m a Grandpa!) tending to his wife and child while working a very high-pressure job. I often wish I could be there to help, but he lives in Luxembourg and I am in Canada. And he took the time to create my own blog for me, which literally is like giving the nuclear codes to a chimpanzee! 

 

When you think about it, our time on this planet is limited, so time is our most precious gift. How do you give away time? Listen to a friend, write a note of thanks, help someone learn, get involved in something bigger than yourself and become a participating member of your community by volunteering your time. All of these take you out of yourself and help you operate from a different part of your being—the part that is loving, nurturing, and abundant. However, it is absolutely essential that you do not take on too many projects and that you leave time for yourself. 

 

Give away love

 

When we let someone be who they are without trying to change them; that is giving away love. When we trust that someone else can handle his or her life, and act accordingly, that is giving away love. When we let go and allow others to learn and grow without feeling that our existence is threatened; that is giving away love. What we often define and perceive to be love really isn’t—it is being needy. Love is generally confused with dependence; but in point of fact, you can love only in proportion to your capacity for independence. The ability to give also depends on whether you think you count or not, so in that respect self-esteem is an essential element in the process. We must love and care for ourselves first and foremost.

 

Give away smiles

 

It takes very little for us to smile. Sometimes, I will be in the grocery store or mall and see people with grim, hostile faces. It is so sad. So I smile everywhere I go and I smile when I meditate. I smile if I am in pain, if I am suffering and eventually the smile brings me back to the present moment. Basically we suffer the most in the past and in the future.

 

Yesterday is but a dream

 

And tomorrow only a vision –

 

But today – well lived in the 

 

Present moment,

 

Makes all our yesterdays 

 

Full of beautiful memories

 

And all our tomorrows

 

Visions of hope. 

 

Final thoughts

 

Giving is flowing outward toward genuine connection and is the greatest antidote to fear. It’s about letting go of your crouched, withholding self and standing tall with outstretched arms. It’s about feeling a sense of abundance. Like any other skill, however, it takes practice. Giving from the position of ‘I count’, enhances this ability.

 

“This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as being a worthy one, the being a force of nature instead of a feverish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making us happy.

 

I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community and, as long as I live, it is my privilege to do whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no brief candle for me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I’ve got to hold up for the moment and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it to the next generation.” – George Bernard Shaw

 

In the final analysis, it is kindness, only kindness to others and to ourselves that matters.

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How To Speak Like A Stoic

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