How To Speak Like A Stoic
If you’ve mastered the art of peaceful speech, then it is likely that you have a very firm grasp over your guiding principles. If you have mastered the art of the pause in speech, then it is likely that you have clear convictions and great self-confidence. Truthful, loving speech, no matter the circumstances, is a harbinger of self-mastery. In this article, we’ll explore ten ways to speak like a Stoic. We’ll explore how some ancient Stoic practices have been adopted by modern psychiatrists and have come to define some of the most effective behavioral therapies of today. Finally, we’ll examine some of the most useful practices from those modern clinical practices, which will help us think and speak like a Stoic.
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This article draws inspiration from concepts discussed in the book How To Think Like A Roman Emperor by Donald Robertson (paid link), and I must give due credit to the author for his contributions to the ideas presented herein.
10 ways to speak like a Stoic
1. Conciseness: The ability to use a few carefully selected words to clearly and succinctly make your point is a sign of inner clarity.
2. Objectivity: Stoics are truth-seekers. The points they convey are known to be shared reality, based on verifiable facts, not subjective opinion.
3. Avoid evoking heavy emotion: When speaking with others, refrain from blame. Do not dissect their intentions and actions. Instead, focus on the facts of the matter.
4. Catastrophizing is a self-fulfilling behavior: Catastrophizing is when we allow the mind’s penchant for storytelling to weave all kinds of fictitious outcomes into a real situation. For example, if one were to lose their job, to catastrophize over it would be to jump to the conclusions that they would also lose their home, their family, and, ultimately, their lives. When we catastrophize like this, we divert precious cognitive resources from the solution and squander our most precious resource, which is time. Losing one’s job does not necessarily lead to catastrophe. Often, in fact, it is an opportunity to realize change and growth.
For me, the example I just shared is not hypothetical. I shared the following story with the audience of Stoicon a few years ago. In 2019, I was laid off, along with about 100 coworkers. Many of my colleagues seemed to spend the majority of their remaining days on the job sitting around the kitchen complaining and blaming. It took effort on my part to refrain from joining in, because I could see how engaging in the blaming and the catastrophizing was cathartic. But I resisted. I ensured that every moment of my work day was spent looking for a new job. Eventually, after months of tireless effort, I found a new job. I still have that job, and it is much better than my previous job.
Character is a Stoic’s currency
5. Avoid value judgments: This is a striking similarity with mindfulness. In mindfulness practices, we’re encouraged to refrain from labeling things as good or bad. This is particularly true of our own thoughts during meditation. Labels of good and bad are sticky. They’re incompatible with non-attachment and flow. A simple example: Instead of saying, ‘Oh shit, it’s raining,’ say, ‘It’s raining.’
6. Never lie: As mentioned, Stoic speech is about being an instrument for the truth. In Stoicism, a person’s moral character is their most important asset. To lie is to risk this invaluable asset.
7. Don’t exaggerate: We often think of exaggeration in the context of storytelling. There’s the old trope of a fisherman’s catch getting bigger each time they tell the story. Most often, however, exaggeration occurs internally, in the form of internal dialog. We tend to blow things out of proportion, omit, and amplify. To speak like a Stoic is to think and speak with balance and fairness, adhering to the truth, and never relying on exaggeration to convince or persuade others or ourselves.
8. Timeliness: They say you should never fire someone on a Friday. You should always fire them on a Monday. If you fire someone right before the weekend, they have no time but their own to process the bad news. If you fire someone on Monday, they have several work days ahead during which they can process. More importantly, other businesses are open for the remainder of the week, meaning if they’re resilient enough, then they can get to work calling on new job prospects immediately. Stoics look for the right moment to speak the truth, and they are abundantly patient when waiting for the right moment.
9. Courage to speak out: Courage commonly plays out through speech. It takes courage to speak out against what you feel is wrong, especially when doing so may run counter to the mainstream view. Courage is one of the four Stoic virtues, so it is important that we uphold it through our speech, especially since occasions to say the right thing present themselves much more often than occasions to rush into a burning building.
10. Listen: Stoicism is a social philosophy. It was never meant as a solitary practice. It was meant for people engaged in the world with other people. It was meant for navigating social tension and conflicting interests while trying your best to do good in this world. And to do that—to do good in this world while navigating the desires and interests of all those with whom we share space—we must listen. We must try to understand. As mentioned, Stoics seek the truth. They do not minimize, omit, or amplify. To do this effectively and consistently, they must understand others’ perspectives. Sometimes, this means remaining silent, leaving ample room for others to open up.
Modern cognitive behavioral therapy
Aaron Beck was considered the father of modern Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). In developing this therapeutic framework, still widely and effectively used to treat depression and anxiety disorders, Beck drew upon ancient philosophy. He was inspired by the Socratic method. He cited Epictetus as a direct influence from Stoicism. Unlike other established forms of psychiatry, which relied heavily on psychoanalysis, Beck’s CBT anchored itself in actual problems and solutions. It focuses on real thoughts, actions, and habits by teaching patients to challenge their assumptions about underlying beliefs and preconceived notions. It’s no wonder Beck took inspiration from Stoicism. He saw the value in truth-seeking—in learning to discard the fabrications and unhelpful value judgments we often attach to our thinking.
CBT teaches patients to de-catastrophize by stripping away all the storytelling the mind likes to engage in. It teaches that catastrophizing is a verb. It’s something we do, which is very different from it being an accurate representation of reality. And if it’s something we do, it’s something we can undo. It teaches that catastrophizing is to wonder, ‘What if…?’ whereas de-catastrophizing is to ask, ‘So what…?’ The ‘what if?’ is based on fictitious fabrications of how events will happen to us, whereas the ‘so what?’ is a reality-based assessment of how we’ll respond to the scenario that is most likely to actually happen.
Think like a Stoic to speak like a stoic
As mentioned in the opening of this article, succinct and deliberate speech is a sign of progress in one’s philosophical training. It’s not easy to speak with clarity consistently, especially as we switch contexts throughout the day, balancing the demands of home life with work responsibilities. This article is indeed about how to speak like a Stoic, but the Stoics knew that it is arguably more important to apply the ten practices for Stoic speech to our own internal dialog—to our thoughts.
Marcus Aurelius said, “Do not be overheard complaining… not even to yourself.” This is one of my favorite Stoic quotes, because I’m reminded of it often. It serves me as a reminder that as an impartial observer of my thoughts, I can see how value judgments of events and circumstances are quite deceptive. I know I’m grateful for all the abundance in my life. I know I’m capable of handling just about anything life throws my way. It’s just that sometimes my mind likes to obfuscate the goodness that is always there in abundance in my life. The quote also reminds me that often all we need is a little mindfulness to shift our perspective towards a more positive one.
So to say the Stoics advised us not to complain is an oversimplification. They actually advised us to use mindful awareness to observe how thoughts, especially value judgments, can distract ourselves from the innate good and simplicity that surrounds us. In his Handbook, Epictetus advised his students to speak to their thoughts, “You’re just a feeling and not really the thing you appear to represent.”
Modern CBT is largely based on careful observation of our inner dialog, taking ownership over our value judgments, and using less poignant language to describe events factually to ourselves and to others.
Cognitive distancing
Here are a few modern CBT techniques for examining your thoughts and seeing fresh perspectives. These protocols are part of a general approach of CBT known as cognitive distancing.
- Capture thoughts as they arise and jot them down succinctly.
- Write thoughts onto a whiteboard and observe them literally from afar.
- Prefix thoughts with a phrase like, ‘Right now, I notice that I am thinking X.’
- Analyze impartially the pros and cons of holding a particular viewpoint.
- Outline a troubling scenario using plain language, emphasizing the factual details.
- Track the frequency of specific thoughts using a tally system.
- Adopt different viewpoints and explore various perspectives on a given scenario.
Final thoughts
There are few instruments as powerful as the human voice. It has the power to unite. It has the power to harm. A voice can move us through poetry or song. A voice can start a war. A voice can be the most comforting thing on Earth. In everyday life, your voice is no trivial thing. You must be diligent and purposeful with your speech to ensure that it promotes peace and not harm. The same principles of Stoic speech—conciseness, objectivity, and de-catastrophizing, to rename just a few—apply to your internal dialog just as well. Because just as your external speech has the power to harm or heal, your thoughts have the power to color your experience of life itself.
Credits:
I relied heavily on the book How To Think Like A Roman Emperor by Donald Robertson (paid link) when researching this article.
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