I am quietly eroding all your relationships. I am insulting you. I am forcing you to act with greed and aggression. I make you jealous… I am you. The ‘I’ here is the subjective sense of self—the ‘I’ is your ego. As we’ll discover, no self thinking may be the antidote to so much corrosive thought and behavior.

In Buddhism, the sense of self is considered a critical illusion. Over-attachment to the ego is seen as a fundamental ignorance that causes human suffering. The Stoics, too, teach us to slice through the delusion of ‘me and mine’. Marcus Aurelius said, “Choose not to be harmed—and you won’t feel harmed. Don’t feel harmed—and you haven’t been.” 

We could avoid so much interpersonal conflict if we could just let go of the urge to defend ourselves. Most disputes don’t need to spiral into grudges that last years. The burning demand for an apology when we feel we’ve been wronged can stand in the way of so much love and compassion. 

But, what is it really that we’re defending? What is it that needs an apology? What is the sense of self? 

What is no self?

In this article, when I use the term ‘no self’, I do so with the following definition: 

No self is the recognition that the sense of self or ego is not some all-important main actor commanding our subjective experience, contrary to our intuition. In Buddhism, no self is not just a recognition that the ego is less important than we perceive it to be, but that the sense of self is an illusion.

In Buddhism, no self is also known by its Pali term anatta. A related concept is non-dualism, which suggests that there is no difference between the subject that is perceiving and the object that is being perceived. 

This is not to say that you don’t exist. Buddhist no self philosophy acknowledges fully that the notion of self is real—it feels incredibly real. You have a name. You have psychological continuity with your past. When you wake up tomorrow, this continuity will prevail. You exist and no one is debating that. 

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There’s so much more to life than the self 

Practicing no self starts with the humble recognition that the sense of self is only one part of your existence. Since the sense of self is inextricably linked to your self-talk—to your thoughts and inner dialogue—and since we’re constantly interpreting reality through thought, it can feel like it’s everything. 

However, we know that there are other states of consciousness in which the feeling of self is suspended. Examples of this are empathy and deep states of meditation in which, if even for five seconds, you have no thoughts. Even flow states or being ‘in the zone’, where actions just seem to pour out of you without having to think about them, are no self experiences. 

In this article, we’ll present some science-based findings that support the idea of no self in Buddhism. Then, we’ll discuss the primordial importance of attempting to loosen your grip on your sense of self. As we’ll see, the sense of self causes so much avoidable suffering. Finally, we’ll draw upon a concept from Buddhism called The Five Poisons of Ego Delusion to extract a practical approach to no self thinking. 

You don’t own your ego

In a recent podcast appearance, neuroscientist and meditation advocate Sam Harris asked the listeners to try the following: in sitting meditation, look for the ‘I’ behind the thought—look for the thinker producing the thoughts. Surely, this is where we can find the sense of self, right? Well, no. When you try this, you’ll see that there is no author behind your thoughts. They simply arise. 

Harris suggests another thought experiment that anyone can do: try to predict exactly what your next thought will be. You’ll find that it is impossible. If there really were a pilot commanding the ship, wouldn’t it know what thought is coming next? 

This line of thinking is not meant to foster doubt about your existence. Rather, it’s meant to show that although the sense of self feels like the most real thing in your life, it’s possible that experience is the ultimate truth. It shows that even our thoughts—the ones we feel we own and control—may be experiential, not unlike the experience of sensing rain drops landing on your skin or hearing birds singing in the garden. You don’t own the raindrops or the birds’ songs. They are not yours for keeping or defending. You simply experience them. 

No self in science

In his book, No Self, No Problem: How Neuropsychology Is Catching Up To Buddhism, Chris Niebauer, Ph.D. emphasizes that the sense of self is largely based on language. Since the ego depends on language to manifest itself in the form of thoughts, it means that it’s associated with left brain processes. 

The left brain is responsible for language and pattern recognition. But, as Niebauer points out, neither language or patterns truly exist in the natural world. They are mental constructs. Thoughts are the map. Reality is the territory.

He points out that the sense of self itself is a series of patterns. The characteristics we assign to ourselves—kind, hard-working, creative, et al.—are patterns that we’ve observed about ourselves. But, again, patterns are mere interpretations of reality. 

Also, he makes the keen observation that, “There is no ‘me’ without ‘not me’,” meaning the left brain defines the self in relation to differences it observes between you and others. 

I take this as supporting evidence for interconnectedness—the idea espoused by both Buddhism and Stoicism that we are all fundamentally connected. If all other beings ceased to exist or if you were born in a vacuum without others to serve as reference points, would your ego even exist? 

Related article: Exploring Secular Buddhism: A Practical Guide To Modern Buddhist Wisdom

No self, no misunderstandings

Niebauer demonstrates that the left brain often gets things wrong. It goes to great lengths to make value judgments and interpretations. The left brain does somersaults to ‘make sense’ of reality, but it rarely does this with perfect accuracy.

The essence of Niebauer’s findings is that science cannot locate the sense of self. Then, the interpretations of the left brain, including the ones about ourselves, are often unreliable and inconsistent. Therefore, we should practice healthy skepticism and humility when it comes to the ego. 

If this sounds depressing, don’t forget that the left brain is only half the story here. Niebauer also writes about right brain consciousness. He explains that it’s involved in states of empathy, creativity, and perspective. Both Niebauer and Harris prescribe meditation and mindfulness as a means of developing greater access to right brain consciousness to begin experiencing life without the distortions of value judgments. 

The benefits of no self thinking

The science and the tradition both suggest that the sense of self is responsible for most if not all human suffering. This is because the self comes with baggage. It comes with judgments. It comes with ‘us versus them’ baked in. I don’t need to explain how ‘I-am-good-and-they-are-bad’ thinking leads to misunderstandings at best and violence at worst. 

Also, the ego enjoys its own pain and suffering just as much as it seeks pleasure. Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo explains in her book, The Heroic Heart: Awakening Unbound Compassion, that the ego simply wants to be placed on a pedestal. It wants attention. What better way for it to soak up the spotlight than to feel insulted or injured? 

Developing a no self practice whereby you lessen your attachment to the ego by taking it much less seriously and uncovering experience without judgment is a sure means of reducing suffering in your life. 

Even the most minor of grievances you’ve had with others were undoubtedly caused by the sense of self seeming very real, all-important, and in need of validation. 

With no self thinking, we can begin to investigate emotions like anger and jealousy. We can begin to see the perspectives of others and recognize that they are suffering, too. We can apologize even when the left brain has decided that we did nothing wrong. 

Embarrassment, too, is a major hindrance to so much positive behavior. Public speaking is the most common human fear and one that I struggle with. The fear of expressing oneself publicly stems from the need to defend the fortress. No self thinking allows us to see there is nothing to defend.

How to practice no self

In Buddhism, the no self delusion is said to feed off of five poisons. These five hindrances to no self practice provide a useful way to categorize the behaviors and thought patterns that lead to over-attachment to the ego. Breaking this complex concept into smaller chunks helps to bring structure to our practice. 

The five poisons of ego delusion and ignorance are greed, aggression, pride, jealousy, and envy.

Greed

Be content with what you have and practice healthy habits of consumption. Today, marketers are armed with your data and powerful AI tools, so their influence over your sense of desire is increasingly powerful and difficult to detect. Taming the desire for ‘more’ reduces your ego’s perceived need to compete with others. 

Click here to read a related article: Desirelessness Is Happiness: 7 Practices To Help You Let Go

Aggression

Aggression stems from either the perceived need to assert dominance over others or the need to defend oneself. Dominance is usually wrapped up in power dynamics and social hierarchies. Niebauer would likely point out that these are simply patterns recognized by the left brain. If we can view these social structures and hierarchies for what they really are—mental constructs—we are less likely to treat them as imperative. Once they lose some of their importance, they lose a lot of their influence over our actions.

Pride

We often think of pride as a positive thing, and, in moderation, it probably is. The opposite of pride is shame. If we’re ashamed of ourselves, then we become hesitant and ineffective. An ineffective person lacks the strength to act compassionately towards others. If our ultimate goal is to reduce suffering in others and ourselves, then we need confidence to embark on this long and, at times, difficult path toward compassion. In this sense, we need to use the ego to transcend the ego. 

Excessive pride leads to arrogance, which strengthens attachment to the ego. When we believe we are better than others, we play the ego’s favorite game: comparing ourselves to others. So, it’s clear that we need balance when it comes to pride.

Be proud of yourself when you achieve a goal. Take a moment to celebrate the fruits of your hard work. But, perhaps the most effective way to temper your pride is to take on goals that feed into compassion. Set some goals that track and measure the number of acts of kindness you perform. Keep yourself accountable for the health of your relationships. When you succeed in these endeavors, the resulting sense of pride is sure to be balanced.

Jealousy

With all emotions, it’s helpful to remember that we have them for a reason. Jealousy has many use cases. For men, it evolved partly as a mechanism to alleviate or dispel paternal doubt—the uncertainty of whether or not a child is actually theirs. Since the primary driver of evolution is reproduction, it makes sense that jealousy evolved to help men and women ensure that their partner was worthy of the enormous investment required to raise children.

Jealousy, as it pertains to sexual relationships, can be very intense. So, if you’re struggling with jealousy in your life, first remember that there is nothing wrong with you. This emotion evolved in humans for a reason.

Infidelity itself is not a lethal act, but the ego would make you think otherwise. To guard against intense feelings of jealousy, remember that at most you’re facing a perceived threat to a sense of self which may or may not even exist. Your ability to have wonderful experiences in the world will prevail regardless of the actions of others.

Envy

Unlike pride and jealousy, envy is a hindrance to no self thinking for which there are simple, actionable solutions. The best way to temper envy is to stop comparing yourself to others. The most effective way to do this is to stop paying attention to others. This means less (much less) social media. Also, foster an attitude of abundance. Remind yourself constantly of your gratitude for all that you have. And don’t just limit this to physical possessions or people in your life. Be grateful for your potential, skills, achievements, but also your flaws, quirks, and imperfections. Embrace all of you so that you feel whole. With a feeling of wholeness, there is no room for envy. 

Final thoughts

No self thinking is very hard. For most of our lives, we’ve been conditioned to feel that the concept of ‘me’ is everything. We feel as though the sense of self is a life-and-death matter. We go most of our lives without questioning the ego. But, there’s a reason that ancient traditions like Buddhism and Stoicism placed the ego near the center of their philosophies. 

Today, science is beginning to find evidence to support the idea that the sense of self is not everything. No self practice is not a call to eliminate who you are as a person. You can and should continue to cherish yourself, protect yourself, and above all, love yourself. No self lets us loosen our grip a bit. It leads us to greater humility. No self leads us to reconcile quicker with those we love. It breaks down judgments. It leads us to simply experience the wonders of life, and to treat those as the ultimate truth. 

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The following is part two of a two-part piece on the four categories of attachment and how we can begin to foster non-attachment to alleviate suffering. Click here to read part one. 

The third of the four categories of attachment: opinions and views

The world is in a constant state of change. The essence of survival is the ability to adapt to one’s environment. Holding fixed views about a changing world is a bit like using an outdated map. Not only is it unwise, it runs counter to how we’re wired to survive. The greatest product of human evolution is the brain. But the brain didn’t evolve for nothing. It evolved to help us navigate a complex, diverse, and evolving environment. To hold fixed views, especially if they become outdated or invalid, is to stray off the middle path and become lost. 

It is easy to find ourselves attached to certain beliefs. We inherit some from our parents, some trickle down to us from our culture, while others take root gradually, often without us even knowing it, from our repeated behaviors. 

It’s perfectly normal to have beliefs and opinions. We need to have some distinction between what we believe to be true and what we believe to be false to navigate the world. It’s only when a change occurs in the environment, rendering one of our held beliefs invalid or irrelevant and when we fail to correct for this that we suffer due to our attachment to that belief. 

There are two things we can do to promote non-attachment to ideas and opinions. First, we should know our values. Values, such as peace, health, compassion, empathy, and honesty, erode less easily than ideas. Then, with our values as our anchor, we can borrow from the scientific method. We don’t need to be doubtful or distrusting, but we can extend a healthy skepticism and curiosity. Scientists are not ashamed of being wrong. In fact, working to prove themselves wrong is part of the job.

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Non-attachment & our beliefs

Here are three probing questions you can ask yourself to place your beliefs under the microscope. 

1. Is it important to me that others know I hold this belief? (We should not hold beliefs solely for the benefit or social acceptance of others.)
2. Is it important to me that other people believe this as well? (The perceived need to popularize an idea may be an indication that you are overly attached to it.)
3. Is it important that you’re right about the idea? (An idea is a construct that is separate and distinct from yourself. Needing to be right about it is a red flag indicating that you need to practice non-attachment and divorce your ego from the idea.)

Non-attachment to ideas, thoughts, and opinions frees us to move more fluidly along with the current of our changing environment. This allows us to learn and grow, but ultimately it lets us open our eyes to experience the true beauty of life in all its wonder and mystery. 

The fourth of the four categories of attachment: permanent ego

Buddhist teachings are very clear about the harms of attachment to the idea that not only are you a separate and distinct entity, but that what makes you ‘you’ doesn’t change. This is a hard one for most people to grasp at first. We have a name and it’s true that no two people are alike. We have our quirks, idiosyncrasies, hobbies, and preferences, which are unlike those of everyone else. This Buddhist teaching (the Stoics, too, warned against over-attachment to ego) aims not to tear down all that you love about your uniqueness. It’s not meant to foster confusion or aimlessness or lack of identity.

Instead, the effort to understand our impermanent, interconnected nature drives us to discovery. It’s an expansion of boundaries. It allows us to mesh with our surroundings and connect with other people on a deeper level, because we are all fundamentally interconnected.

The science of self

This is not just woo woo, either. In his book No Self, No Problem, Chris Niebauer, Ph.D. draws upon his work in neuroscience to explain that much of what leads us to the sense of self is generated by the left-brain.

The left-brain is the language center. It’s responsible for the voice we hear when we think, and one of its primary functions is the identification of patterns. Pattern recognition is useful for our survival. Realizing that certain food grows in certain areas at certain times, for example, is a positive survival mechanism. The thing to note here is that the food growing in those places at those times has nothing to do with us. In fact, it’s not a pattern at all. Patterns only exist in our mind. They are constructs of the mind. Nature is random. Much of our sense of self, too, is based on patterns we notice about ourselves. Furthermore, the brain often misinterprets patterns.

This is not to say that we should discard our left-brain interpretation of ourselves or how it shapes the ego. This is an elegantly useful mechanism that has done very well for human survival. It is to say, however, that we should try to read between the lines of our experience and see the beautiful randomness of nature and of ourselves. We should cultivate mindfulness to experience life through the interpretation of the right-brain, which is involved in experiencing the world without attaching language and fabricated meaning to it.

Not only is the sense of self a construct of meaning that we project onto the world, it’s also constantly changing. Similarly to how fixed beliefs hold us back against the backdrop of an ever-changing, random world, a rigid failure to embrace changes in the ego is also suboptimal. 

Case in point

Consider two very different work scenarios to illustrate the inutility of attachment to self.

Scenario 1: You have a creative task to perform that is an important deliverable for your job. You block out some time early in the morning when there will be no distractions. With a nice cup of coffee at your side and zero interruptions, you eventually find yourself in a flow state. The work just seems to pour out of you effortlessly. Time evaporates. Your vision tunnels in on the task with ultimate focus. Then, the task is complete. You’re pleased with the result.

Scenario 2: Later that afternoon, you meet with your boss to present your work. She likes the work and sees the right intention therein. But, she tells you that it fails to meet one of the core objectives of the task. She provides valid reasons for the critique, and asks you to rework the piece. You’re hurt. You feel a little inadequate, and you look for ways to disagree, even though you know deep down that your boss is right.

Let’s zoom out a bit to analyze these two scenarios a little more closely. For our analysis, let’s first establish that the person’s core motivation for doing the task in the first place was to satisfy the objective so that they can meet the expectations of their job. In the first situation, the person was able to enter into a state of flow because they weren’t distracted with doubt or any other construct of the ego. The right-brain was at work. They had an objective, they focused on it, and they even enjoyed the process. 

Non-attachment equals freedom

In the second situation, where their boss reviewed their work, they were hindered from meeting their objective because they interjected all kinds of constructs about the ego. If meeting the objective was the primary motivation and if the boss’ feedback was supportive of meeting the objective, then the best thing to do would have been to openly embrace the feedback and proceed to rework the piece. The objective did not change from the first scenario to the second, nor did the task change. Only the person’s failure to notice their attachment to their sense of a distinct and permanent self changed.

I think we all know intellectually that attachment is harmful. Anyone who has or knows someone who has suffered from addiction knows this to be true. When our flights are delayed or when it rains on our picnic, we experience the harmful effects of attachment. We know it intellectually but perhaps not instinctively, because culture, family, and even biology are all factors that push us towards attachment. This is where the right effort of mindfulness comes into play. We can promote non-attachment, but not eliminate it entirely, through patient and persistent mindfulness practice.

Mindfulness to promote non-attachment

Mindfulness practice places a watchful eye on the relationship between sensory stimuli and our reactions to them. With awareness and reflection, we can see where our routines and traditions fail to serve us. We can practice non-attachment to our opinions and beliefs, not because it is a virtuous thing to do, but because it promotes learning and effectiveness. Finally, we can love ourselves and others more deeply if we can begin to remove the ‘I’ and the ‘me’ from our endeavors. The four categories of attachment promote non-attachment by giving us specific categories to focus on. It’s a bit like an athlete who has specific and categorical training protocols: cardio, strength, speed, precision, etc. It’s a framework that assists us in training and practice, but it’s up to us to put in the work.