Brechen MacRae, Author at The Mindful Stoic

21 Uncommon Meditation Tips

Feb 5, 2022 | Meditation

Here are some meditation tips you haven’t heard before—at least this was my hope when I compiled them. Many of these meditation tips are original, in that I’ve developed or adopted them into my meditation practice, which has been part of my life for twelve years. They are not all original. Others I have acquired from books or from social media. I’ve done my best to provide only ones that I feel will add real value to anyone’s meditation practice, whether they’re a beginner or an experienced practitioner. The goal of this post is to leave you with something to actually try, because I believe experimentation and exploration are fundamental elements to an enduring and fruitful relationship with meditation.

Meditation tips for mindset

The following collection of meditation tips for mindset aims to promote variety in the way we approach and engage with meditation.

Don’t use meditation as an escape – Meditation is a chance to encounter reality. It’s a means of connecting with current thoughts and feelings. Attempting to use meditation as a means of temporarily suspending a troubled state is a pitfall to avoid.

“Altogether, the idea of meditation is not to create states of ecstasy or absorption, but to experience being.”

– Chögyam Trungpa

A hole of thoughts – Visualize a dark hole in the ground. Actually, I find the image of an abandoned well to be helpful for this exercise. Once you have established a firm visual of the hole, then observe what thoughts arise from the hole. The results may surprise you.

Focus on lightness – It’s hard to describe this concept in words, but whether you’re in sitting meditation or just attempting to go about your day mindfully, it’s beneficial to imagine yourself being as light as a feather. Let your movements, including your breath, be light and fluid. In motion, a helpful simile to illustrate this concept is to be like water traveling downhill, finding the path of least resistance. I find this imaginative exercise helpful in sitting meditation, but also when I’m running, which is an equally opportune time to practice mindfulness meditation.

Reset and restore

Start over – Although you’ve probably heard a thousand times that a fundamental element of meditation is to observe thoughts, even the stressful ones, without judgment, it can still be off putting to have the same intrusive thought arise unceasingly. In times like these, it can be helpful to simply start over. Get up. Go grab a drink of water. Take some deep breaths in another room and then return to your meditation. You can find this reset helps to acknowledge the frustration in a physical way, rather than attempting to deal with it solely by cognition while sitting in quiet meditation.

Lean into worry – If a worry or fear is disturbing your meditation, lean into it rather than fight against it. Remind yourself that no matter the challenge, a calm mindset will serve you well. Visualize yourself overcoming the challenge. Remind yourself that worries and fears are useful mechanisms for assessing consequence and risk, and are not to be avoided or brushed aside.

Click here for a listenable video version of this article.

This post contains affiliate links, which help us keep the blog afloat. Click here for more information.

Meditate on something you enjoy thinking about – It doesn’t always need to be loving kindness, positive affirmations, or focus on the breath. You can meditate on things you enjoy thinking about. Often as we’re about to fall asleep, our minds drift towards things we enjoy. They could be little fantasies, fond memories, or scenes from a favorite novel brought to life by vivid imagination. It’s okay to sit with the sole intention of ruminating on things like these.

Observe and acknowledge

Notice objects in the room – Sometimes during meditation, I open my eyes at a certain point and begin to notice ordinary objects in the room where I’m sitting. Over the years, we tend to fill our shelves and ledges with objects—usually ones that we enjoy—but we tend to forget and allow them to fade into the backdrop. Lending a moment of observant appreciation to these forgotten books or ornaments can remind us of the simple abundance that we take for granted.

Set a timer – I don’t usually meditate for a set duration. But there have been times since I began working primarily from home, where I want to take a ten-minute break from my work to meditate. During these times, I found it was helpful to set a timer so that I could eliminate the distraction of wondering whether I had meditated for too long.

Find the right technique for you – One of the aims of this post is to encourage readers to experiment with meditation. I have read a lot of books on meditation and I’m interested in its origins and traditions. But over the years, I have developed my own style and acquired certain methods that work best for me. These methods differ depending on my mood or circumstances. Finding a technique that’s just OK is like having a job that’s just OK. There’s a big difference between going through the motions and doing something that’s perfectly suited to you.

Settle in and adapt

Allow yourself to settle in – Don’t rush into specific meditation practices. Take a few minutes to ‘settle in’ before concentrating on your object of focus, i.e. your breath. The body and mind need some time to settle into your meditation. During this ‘settling in’ period, do some neck rolls, take some deep breaths, acknowledge how you feel and the general direction of your thoughts. After a few minutes of sitting for the sake of it, you can then begin to focus on your breath or other object of focus.

Use meditation aids sparingly – Meditation aids like beads, bells, or incense are great for setting the tone for meditation, but use them sparingly—for those times you want to go deeper into your practice. Once we become habituated to something, it tends to become white noise and loses its effectiveness. The same goes for guided meditations. Guided meditations are outstanding for introducing you to new techniques and simply for peaceful guidance into a meditation session. I use them occasionally. There are some wonderful guided meditations that are included in my Audible membership. Again, just like physical aids, guided meditations should be used sparingly to avoid dependence on them.

Be adaptable – If there are distracting sounds, rather than struggle to ignore them, invite them to be the focus of your meditation. A conversation happening in the next room is every bit as effective as your breath for a focal point of concentration meditation.

Ancient traditions

Premeditatio malorum – This Latin phrase, which means ‘the premeditation of evils’, comes to us from the ancient Stoics. It is the deliberate pondering of what could go wrong and a firm gratitude for what is relatively good. It is not meant to foster anxiety or worry, but rather promote preparedness and resilience against life’s inevitable vicissitudes. When faced with an upcoming challenge, it can be helpful, albeit difficult, to sit in meditation to ponder the worst possible outcomes. We do this not to resign ourselves to failure, but to look around all corners for solutions.

Don’t let inaccessible language deter you – Even we at The Mindful Stoic have used language on occasion like Vipassana meditation, which simply means insight meditation, but we generally prefer to use everyday language when engaging with meditation. However, a lot of good books on meditation adhere faithfully to traditional Sanskrit and Pali terms when describing meditation techniques. It can be hard to absorb information in a foreign language, so difficulty remembering or relating to details presented this way is understandably normal. But, don’t let foreign language terms dissuade you from engaging with mediation practice. Either come up with your own labels or simply avoid resources that use complicated language. You could label the practice of insight meditation ‘Jimmy jingleberry meditation’, and it wouldn’t change the fact that practicing it is good for your health.

Meditation of task – Perform light, manual tasks with full attention and mindful awareness. Do them slowly and mindfully. Two such tasks I like to practice with are washing dishes and folding laundry. Walking meditation is another opportune moment to practice meditation of task. Check out our article on walking meditation for more information.

Meditation tips for the breath

There is a good reason for which the breath is so often evoked in meditation instruction. The breath is not only omnipresent, therefore making it accessible to you at all times for an object of concentration, but it also symbolizes life itself and the connection between mind and body. These meditation tips for the breath aim to deepen your concentration when using the breath as a focal point.

Zero in on the breath – Here’s a little trick that helps you drastically heighten your focus on your breath. Bring your full attention to the sensation that occurs in the split second where your breath ‘touches’ the outer edge of your nostrils upon inhalation.

Quiet breathing – Breathing as quietly as possible is a skilful way to increase concentration on the breath, and it’s very simple. Just attempt to make your breath as inaudible as possible. Perhaps imagine yourself face to face with a sleeping animal, and the goal is to not wake her.

Don’t try to alter the breath – Some meditation practices and techniques (including the ones I just mentioned) call for deepening, slowing, or quieting the breath, which is perfectly fine. Other times, try to simply notice the breath as is. Observe the breath. Is it shallow or is it fast? Just notice the natural state of the breath.

Meditation tips for the body

When the mind is rigid and stiff, so too becomes the body, and vice-versa. Many people find it difficult to sit in meditation because of physical discomfort. These meditation tips for the body aim to lessen the severity of physical blockers to meditation practice.

Meditation tips for the breath

For more on the breath, check out our post How To Breathe With Intention To Reduce Stress.

Meditation tips for the body

watch the pursuit of balance podcast now

Find movement, or even take breaks – Far too many people find that back pain prevents them from sitting in meditation. I believe (and know from experience) that adding some gentle movement to our meditation practice helps us immensely to overcome back or other bodily pains. Gentle swaying back and forth or side to side is one such movement that helps to loosen up tight muscles. You can also incorporate some simple yoga poses into your meditation practice, such as Extended Child’s Pose or a Cat-Cow flow. Finally, you can take breaks from your meditation when you begin to feel physical discomfort. Getting up or changing positions all together doesn’t ‘break’ the meditation practice. In fact, you can incorporate a break into the practice intentionally.

Alternate postures – Shift your posture alternately between ultra upright and slouched. Changing positions like this every few minutes feels good and helps to alleviate stiffness.

Flexibility of space – It’s great to have a dedicated meditation space, but try not to become too attached to it. Try meditating in other spaces, such as a public park or the kitchen. Cultivating the flexibility to practice quiet meditation anywhere will promote the ability to bring mindfulness into the areas of life where it is most needed.

Happy meditating!

“The expectations that you bring to your meditation are often the greatest obstacles you will encounter.”

– Mingyur Rinpoche

Debunking 8 Common Misconceptions About Stoicism: What It Really Means To Be A Stoic

I blame the English dictionary for a good chunk of the misconceptions about Stoicism. Look up the word ‘stoic’ there and you’ll find something like, “a person who can endure pain or hardship without showing their feelings or complaining.” Or maybe it’s the wealth of...

The Three Stoic Disciplines: Desire, Action, and Assent

Stoicism is a guiding framework in my life, but so is business. I can think of no better school of thought than business when it comes to manifesting ideas into reality—big, complex ideas. Schools of business and businesses in practice are fountains of knowledge when...

Introduction To Stoicism And Mindfulness

If you're new to mindfulness or Stoicism, we hope you'll find these articles written as introductory resources useful. We aim to answer questions like "What is mindfulness?" and "How can I begin practicing Stoicism?" We hope something here will set you off on your...

Improve Your Focus With Mindfulness- And Science-Based Protocols

I’ve said this before, but I feel it’s important to lead with it here: mindfulness is not a means to an end. Mindfulness is a means to a means—a way of waking up to life. Without mindfulness, so much of life escapes us. Without mindfulness, we’re governed by impulses...

What Is Modern Stoicism? An Introduction & Essential Practices

In the eyes of some, the people I’m about to introduce don’t belong in a discussion about modern Stoicism. None of them are self-proclaimed Stoics. But they do display extreme commitment to the four Stoic virtues: courage, temperance, wisdom, and justice. ...

Where Buddhism And Modern Psychology Converge On Mental Wellness

When the average non-Buddhist westerner thinks of Buddhism, they often think of meditation, kindness, and monks with shaved heads in orange robes. But what lies beneath these surface-level artifacts is profound understanding. Few wisdom traditions have delivered as...

How To Speak Like A Stoic

If you’ve mastered the art of peaceful speech, then it is likely that you have a very firm grasp over your guiding principles. If you have mastered the art of the pause in speech, then it is likely that you have clear convictions and great self-confidence. Truthful,...

Karma In Buddhism: Sowing The Seeds Of Love

In modern times, we use the word karma in many ways. ‘Ain’t karma a bitch’—meaning what ‘Goes around, comes around.’ It can also refer to the Golden Rule from the Hebrew and Christian Bible: ‘Do unto others what as you would have them do unto you.’ But, in the context...

What The Death Of Marcus Aurelius Teaches Us About Life

Marcus Aurelius died in a cold, dark place, but his last words shined bright with a message of hope: “Go to the rising sun, for I am already setting.” He delivered these words not to a beloved, but to a guard of the night’s watch in his military camp near the...

Memento Vivere: How To Live With Agency, Gratitude & Engagement

Antipater is a lesser-known Stoic, yet he was head of the school during a period that saw Stoicism extend to public life. Stoic philosophers were sent on diplomatic missions. Some advised kings. But Antipater’s contributions brought Stoicism closer to home. He was...

Interconnection & Its Connection With Stoicism

Jan 23, 2022 | Foundations, Stoicism

Where we find overlap of ideas across cultures and periods of history, we find truth about human nature. We commonly associate interconnection—the notion that we are all fundamentally connected to each other—with Buddhism or other Eastern philosophical traditions. The ancient Greeks and Stoics, too, had their sympatheia, which they described as a cosmic interconnection shared among all past, present and future life forms.

“Meditate often on the interconnectedness and mutual interdependence of all things in the universe […] all things are mutually woven together and therefore have an affinity for each other.”

– Marcus Aurelius

Interconnection in human experience

When we read history and philosophy, we see descriptions of our interconnection as a central component of understanding ourselves, from the ancient Greeks to the Stoics, in Buddhism, Christianity, and virtually all major religions.

In fact, in their study “Shared Virtues: The Convergence of Valued Human Strengths Across Culture and History”, Katherine Dahlsgaard and her colleagues identified six core virtues shared among Buddhism, Christianity, Confucianism, Hinduism, Taoism, and ancient Greek philosophy. Among the six human virtues identified in the study, we find Transcendence, which can be described as the use of compassion, gratitude and hope to experience a larger connection to the universe.

“As a net is made up of a series of ties, so everything in this world is connected by a series of ties. If anyone thinks that the mesh of a net is an independent, isolated thing, he is mistaken. It is called a net because it is made up of a series of interconnected meshes, and each mesh has its place and responsibility in relation to other meshes.”

– Gautama Buddha

This post contains affiliate links, which help us keep the blog afloat. Click here for more information.

Click here for a listenable video version of this article.

If religion or philosophy is not your north star, you can also find meaningful discussion of interconnection in science. The phrase “six degrees of separation” is popularly used to describe the theory that any one person is connected to any other person on the planet by only six intermediary contacts. Several studies support the concept, including the Small World Project, which showed empirically that people in the United States are indeed separated by an average of just six contacts. Popular Astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson has eloquently described interconnection in a scientific context countless times throughout his career:

“We are all connected; To each other, biologically. To the earth, chemically. To the rest of the universe atomically.”

Stoicism gets misunderstood

When Stoicism is misunderstood, it is often because it is betrayed as a white-knuckled acceptance of all life’s harshness. Just search for the hashtag #Stoicism on Instagram and you’ll likely find imagery of warriors and men carved from stone. While Stoicism does offer an immense utility when it comes to dealing with life’s hardships, it also celebrates life’s natural beauty and wonder.

Stoicism is not just about inner fortitude. It is also a social philosophy, in which the interconnection of all life is integral to understanding oneself. It teaches us to avoid feverish aversion and discard strong attachment to people.

The Stoics inherited and built upon many ideas from the ancient Athenian philosophers like Socrates, Aristotle and Plato. The Stoics would elaborate upon their predecessors’ ideas and create ethical theories, such as oikeiosis. Simply put, oikeiosis describes the idea that we ought to extend kindness to everyone just as we would to our own loved ones. Stoics like Hierocles outlined how we should extend oikeiosis in gradually widening circles, starting with ourselves, moving out through our community, and gradually reaching the outer circles of the human race.

Understanding oneself is essential in Stoicism. It’s awfully hard to apply virtues like Justice and Wisdom if you don’t know yourself intimately and honestly. We are so focused inward on our own experiences that we forget to open our eyes to the people around us going through the exact same things. They say reading allows the reader to learn from other people’s experiences and mistakes without actually having to go through them. In this way, recognizing and observing interconnection and shared experience with other people is similar to reading. Other people have, are currently, and will in the future experience the same ups and downs as you. You can learn from this.

Emotional interconnection

In his book, Stillness Is The Key, Ryan Holiday outlines emotional interconnection. No matter what our background or circumstances, we’ve all known the joy of play or the fear of judgment. The full spectrum of emotions is a shared human experience. Recognizing this brings us closer to one another. Sure, some people are relatively more fortunate than others in economic status or in health. But, it’s important to remember that human experience is relative. One person’s worst day is their worst day, it’s as simple as that.

The Stoics and Buddhists also overlap on the idea that we share a lot of experience with animals. Our sense of exceptionalism only exists in comparison to animals, but this idea doesn’t serve us to be better people. Realizing that we humans are not that different from animals allows us to stay humble and even learn from the nature of the animal kingdom.

Dr. Rick Hanson, PhD is an expert on positive neuroplasticity, founder of the Wellspring Institute for Neuroscience and Contemplative Wisdom, and a New York Times best-selling author. His book subjects are often a marriage of Buddhist wisdom and neuroscience. He acknowledges the interconnection between humans and animals from both a scientific and a Buddhist perspective in his book Neurodharma: New Science, Ancient Wisdom and Seven Practices of the Highest Happiness:

“[…] not surprisingly, the neural hardware that enables our human version of hearing and seeing, learning and wanting, is present in similar forms in the inch-long brain of a squirrel.”

The Earth and stars connect us

Interconnection also exists in a physical, non-sentient way. Ryan Holiday also notes in Stillness Is The Key that much like emotional interconnection, we all share a lot of physical connection. He provides the example of the moon. Go outside tonight and look at the moon. It is the same moon that Ghandi or Seneca looked upon before us. It is the same moon that you looked at as a child. The same goes for the air we breathe, the water we drink, and the earth we stand upon—we share them all timelessly.

I have no practical takeaways to leave you with. I simply hope that this helps to rekindle your sense of interconnection with others. One must look outward to truly understand oneself, and we must truly understand ourselves to carry out our designs for a better world.

“We are all strands in a long rope that stretches back countless generations and ties together every person in every country on every continent. We are all thinking and feeling the same things, we are all made of and motivated by the same things; we are all stardust. And no one needs this understanding more than the ambitious or the creative, since they live so much in their own heads and in their own bubble.”

– Ryan Holiday

Guided Sleep Meditation: A Stoic Approach to Restful Nights

Sleep may just be the most important input to human health, yet it often eludes us. I’ve certainly had my struggles with sleep. With all the rushing, scrolling, and multitasking we do, it’s no wonder many struggle to find the calm needed to drift into restorative...

Debunking 8 Common Misconceptions About Stoicism: What It Really Means To Be A Stoic

The Three Stoic Disciplines: Desire, Action, and Assent

Improve Your Focus With Mindfulness- And Science-Based Protocols

What Is Modern Stoicism? An Introduction & Essential Practices

Where Buddhism And Modern Psychology Converge On Mental Wellness

How To Speak Like A Stoic

What The Death Of Marcus Aurelius Teaches Us About Life

Zen Meditation: How To Stop And Reflect For Wisdom

What if there was a way you could train your wisdom and insight? No tools or equipment required. No books to read. No classes to attend. All you’d need is a few minutes each day. Such a means of building a wider perspective and developing clear insight exists....

Memento Vivere: How To Live With Agency, Gratitude & Engagement

How To Practice The Virtue Of Temperance In Stoicism

Dec 26, 2021 | Balance, Stoicism

They say sitting is the new smoking. But how can this be? Our bodies are highly evolved survival machines. We emerged as the dominant species on this planet not in small part because we can run long distances. We can maneuver through and manipulate our environment in sophisticated ways. Surely our bodies can handle sitting in a chair. Of course, the act of resting our asses on a seat is not harmful. It’s only harmful when we sit for eight, ten, even fourteen hours a day. This is excessive. This is the opposite of the virtue of temperance.

What is temperance in Stoicism?

The ancient Stoics gave us their 4 Stoic Virtues, one of which is temperance. The Stoics describe temperance as moderation and active resistance against anything that is harmful in excess. Essentially, temperance is balance.

I’d like to take a deep dive into the virtue of temperance, because finding balance in life is a central pursuit of this blog. In this article, I’ll attempt to share practical tips and strategies for applying temperance to areas of life that I feel are susceptible to harmful excess: decision making, time management, and work life balance.

What did the Stoics say about temperance?

In a passage of Meditations about dealing with other peoples’ shamelessness, Marcus Aurelius wrote:

“What qualities has nature given us to counter that defect? As an antidote to unkindness it gave us kindness. And other qualities to balance other flaws.”

He’s saying that there are always two sides of every coin. Exercising the virtue of temperance can be as simple as looking to the opposite of what’s excessive. Is there too much inactivity in your life because of your office job? The simple antidote is the opposite: exercise. Do you work too hard? The simple antidote is true, mindful rest.

How to practice the virtue of temperance

Two birds with one stone: practicing temperance with time management

Our mortality is both the source of life’s greatest fears and life’s greatest beauty. Our limited time on earth is a defining human characteristic that we all share. We must not squander our time with cheap and frivolous entertainment, nor can we allow the sharp edge of productivity to shave it all away.

This is an incredibly difficult balance to strike—one that requires temperance.

Capitalism is an effective testing and training ground for one’s self-actualization, but we all know there are more important areas of life that cannot be measured by market value: connection with others, quiet time to reflect, creativity without a desired material outcome, etc.

One strategy that I use in an attempt to marry my desire to be successful with my desire to live a mindful and healthy life is finding activities that support both goals simultaneously. I used to love playing organized sports, even as an adult. I also used to love lifting weights at the gym. As my work responsibilities grew (less free time) and my cost of living increased suddenly (greater expenses) when I moved to a very expensive city, I had to make changes to mitigate these losses. I also noticed that my office job was creating an imbalance in terms of excessive time spent indoors. I used to run occasionally, but just as a sort of necessary chore of maintaining cardiovascular fitness.

Stack habits and behaviors to serve multiple purposes

Here, I found myself with the following requirements at the same time: recreational competition, physical exercise, saving money, and more fresh air. So, I decided to become a trail runner to meet all of these needs simultaneously. I realized that by signing up for some tough long-distance trail races, I was creating a fun challenge for myself in a competitive sport, while saving money and gaining more time outdoors by saying goodbye to the gym.

The Mindful Stoic blog is another example of this ‘killing two birds’ methodology, albeit one that I had not considered when I started the blog.

The company I work for places a very high value on writing skills. When we have new ideas, we always develop and present them in writing. Although the content and style of writing is very different between this blog and my day job, I am most likely practicing the written word a lot more than my colleagues who don’t own and operate a blog as a hobby.

Also, writing about mindfulness and Stoicism helps me keep these practices top of mind. Writing about these practices not only provides me with a creative outlet, but it’s also helped them really take root in my life.

The ‘killing-two-birds method’ tenets

The activity should meet or support multiple needs or objectives at one time.
The activity must be done for the love of the activity itself.
If there is a measurable outcome, you should still ‘win’ even if the outcome is not successful.
The activity should allow you to get better at something you can use in other areas of life.

Designing our leisure activities and hobbies in this way allows us to practice temperance when it comes to managing our finite time and balancing ambition with mindful living.

Sure, with enough discipline and habit building, we could spend all of our waking hours working, studying and striving toward some material end. But, there’s more to being human than producing and getting rewarded for it on the market. So, finding healthy hobbies that we truly love doing for the sake of it, but with a little flavor of useful support in other areas of life, is one way to maximize our time.

How to practice the virtue of temperance with decision making

A simple technique for practicing temperance regarding difficult decisions is to quickly identify at least one alternative. For any decision that involves internal conflict, try to think of at least one better alternative early in the process, leaving you with at least two options.

This technique is especially helpful when it comes to cravings or decisions motivated by fatigue or passivity. Here’s a hypothetical situation to help illustrate: after a long day of work, you discover that food in the fridge is in low supply. The idea of going to the nearest fast food restaurant strikes you, but you also know it is not a healthy option. Now is the moment to quickly identify an alternative. You could also go to the grocery store and pick up something quick and easy to prepare. The grocery store option will be cheaper and healthier.

Quickly identifying an alternative does something significant. Instead of allowing your tired mind to wrestle with the sole option of satisfying fast food, your brain now has another outlet. Urges and temptations are most powerful when there are no other options presented, or when the other options don’t satisfy the underlying need. This approach allows us to practice temperance when it comes to all kinds of conflicting decisions.

There is always a middle path

Here are a few more examples of identifying alternatives to practice temperance with decision making:

I’m incredibly tired today, so exercising is probably not a good idea.

Some stretching or yoga will do the trick.

These t-shirts have a buy-2-get-1-free deal.

One is cheaper than two, and I really only need one.

I wonder if I should cut carbs entirely from my diet, but I’ve found conflicting research.

Cutting down on carbs by 40-50% is a sensible compromise.

I’ve been presented with an interesting investment idea, but I’m worried I’ll lose my money.

Define your risk tolerance, i.e. how much money you can tolerate losing, and invest only that much.

I should eat less sugar.

Make a rule for yourself. Decide that you simply will not eat products with more than 20g of sugar per 100g serving.

The powerful aftereffect that accompanies this technique is that by choosing the more positive alternative, sometimes we gain a second wind and end up snowballing with the good behavior. To take the above exercise example, you may successfully negotiate some stretching rather than sitting on the couch, and you may end up feeling great doing the stretching to the point that you regain the desire to exercise more rigorously.

At the very least, you will feel good about having done something, leaving you in a better mood and therefore in a better mindset for the following day. To take the above investing example, you have a zero percent chance of profiting by doing nothing, but by taking a calculated risk, you can reap the rewards if there is a positive return and only suffer a tolerable loss if the return is negative.

Practicing the virtue of temperance with work-life balance

Work life balance has become somewhat of a cliché topic. But, an idea only becomes a cliché if it’s repeated in the culture. If it’s repeated in the culture, then there’s undoubtedly some truth or value behind it. Finding balance in all areas of life is a central theme of this blog, and work life balance is certainly a major part of that.

We all know someone who suffers in life because they let fear or plain laziness prevent them from working and they struggle to meet their needs.

Conversely, we all know someone who works too hard and then suffers in their relationships or health. We must practice the virtue of temperance by balancing between excessive work and excessive passivity.

Work is not just about monetary gain, either. When done in correct proportions and environments, work can provide a sense of pride, challenges that lead to personal growth, and some mental stimulus that keeps our brains healthy.

Here are some practices I find helpful for striking a balance between work and mindful living:

Work life balance tenets

You must accept the fact that you will never finish. There will always be work left undone at the end of the day. You need to be able to embrace this and shut off at the day’s end. Related article: How To Switch Off After Work.
Be wary of technology and turn it off. My grandfather was an incredibly hard worker. But, he never had to contend with email at any hour in any place.
Don’t compare yourself to others and don’t place value on working long hours. Strive to be more efficient than your competition and don’t worry if it appears as if you’re working less.
Out of sight out of mind. Place work related objects in a drawer, closet or separate room at the end of the day.
Acknowledge that a job that’s 100% enjoyable is practically non-existent. The grass is not always greener on the other side, so always attempt to find the good in what you do, accept and overcome the bad before making major changes.
Bring structure and organization to your life outside of work. You have project trackers, schedules, and monthly reviews for your work. But, do you have such mechanisms for your family life? We often say ‘I should spend more time with family’, but how often do we apply our organizational and time management skills to ensure that quality time actually happens? Related article: Your Core Values: Turning Good Intentions Into Good Results
Be acutely aware of the distinction between rest and work. When you begin working, say to yourself ‘now I am working’. When you finish work, say to yourself ‘now I am resting’. All too often we transition from work to rest mindlessly, allowing our work energy and stress to follow us when it should be left where it belongs. Mindfulness is incredibly simple yet powerful.

Final thoughts

Temperance, moderation, and balance are elusive. You can find philosophy and religion attempting to guide people to a middle path all throughout history. Any time we see consistency across cultures and throughout history when it comes to ideas, it’s a good indication that the idea is worth exploring.

I’ve attempted here to write practically about practicing the Stoic virtue of temperance with time management, decision making, and work life balance. I chose these three areas because I feel they lend themselves to the magnetism, often created by culture, that pulls us away from the middle path. But, these are not the only areas in which the virtue of temperance is needed.

Look for any excess in your life and find ways of applying the virtue of temperance to counterbalance it. Take some time to identify these areas of excess, ideally on paper in a journal, and come up with your own strategies and techniques. The world is a chaotic and evolving place to navigate, but the ability to walk a straight line, never losing sight of the middle path, is certainly an advantage that we should afford to ourselves.

Guided Sleep Meditation: A Stoic Approach to Restful Nights

Introduction To Stoicism And Mindfulness

Improve Your Focus With Mindfulness- And Science-Based Protocols

Where Buddhism And Modern Psychology Converge On Mental Wellness

Karma In Buddhism: Sowing The Seeds Of Love

What The Death Of Marcus Aurelius Teaches Us About Life

Zen Meditation: How To Stop And Reflect For Wisdom

Right Mindfulness & Right Concentration Of The Eightfold Path

If I were to define Zen Buddhism, I would do so in two four-word sentences: Absolute attention is prayer. Compassion for all beings. “Zen teaches nothing. It merely enables us to wake up and become aware. It does not teach; it points. The truth of Zen is...

The Three Jewels Of The Tao: Embracing The Way Of Water

Well, the first challenge in understanding the Tao is its definition. Translated literally, 'The Tao' means 'The Way'. The very first verse of this ancient teaching warns that it’s useless to try to define or name The Tao: The Tao that can be toldIs not the eternal...

21 Human Performance Tips For Busy People

To say my life is busy is an understatement. Writing this blog is my passion. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. But writing the blog, two weekly newsletters, and a book is a tall order. There is no team, there are no editors, web developers, graphic designers, or...

Stoic Daily Reflection & How Stoics Define Success

Dec 19, 2021 | Foundations, Stoicism

The ancient Stoics emphasized the need to reflect at the end of the day and ask ourselves constructive questions about what went well and what did not. But how can we measure the success of a day? By which criteria are we defining good days and bad days? And since each day constitutes a slice of life itself, how can we extrapolate and scale this assessment to our measures of personal success for life in general? Before you can even begin to reflect on your day like a Stoic, you need to know your measures of success. We’ll discuss different measures of success and provide some practical tips on how to practice Stoic daily reflection.

“Allow not sleep to close your wearied eyes,

Until you have reckoned up each daytime deed:

‘Where did I go wrong? What did I do? And what duty’s left undone?’

From first to last review your acts and then

Reprove yourself for wretched [or cowardly] acts, but rejoice in those done well.”

– Epictetus

Click here for a listenable video version of this article.

This post contains affiliate links, which help us keep the blog afloat. Click here for more information.

Chess pieces with mirror reflection to represent an article on Stoic daily reflection

Traditional measures of success

We’re all familiar with traditional measures of success. Job titles, monetary wealth, and happiness are common ones. Are they good measures of success? Perhaps. It depends on your values.

This article will focus on a Stoic definition of success, not because it is inherently more important, but because it is inherently less prevalent than traditional definitions of success.

Measuring your personal success by job title or wealth, for example, is baked into modern society. It’s inescapable. If you have a job, then you by default have accountability. You have people and mechanisms in place to hold you accountable and ensure you’re performing to their standards. You have annual performance reviews. The entire capitalist system is designed to reward you based on the perceived value of what you bring to the market. We already spend so much of our lives at work, so let’s not fill our personal time assessing and tracking work-related performance.

Who’s there to measure your personal success? Who’s there to keep you accountable for your actions—the steps you take, forward or backward, to uphold what you believe is truly important? The answer is no one but yourself.

How do Stoics define success?

Stoic definitions of success are unconventional. Stoicism is all about knowing who you are, so that you can act in accordance with your values and ultimately make the world a better place. The 4 Stoic virtues—Justice, Wisdom, Temperance, and Courage—are immensely useful for guiding your actions and informing your values. They have endured as guiding principles for good reason, and you can draw upon them to clarify your decisions in nearly any situation. But you are unique. You have dreams and aspirations and obligations to juggle. This is why it’s useful to define your own values and learn how to measure them during your Stoic daily reflection.

Measures of success need to be just that: measurable. If you can’t quantify and track it, it’s fairly hard to improve it.

Here are some ways to measure your success when you sit down to practice Stoic daily reflection:

Hours of quality time spent with family
Hours of quality sleep
Minutes spent meditating
Number of mindful responses to difficult or frustrating situations
Minutes spent exercising
Time spent truly listening to others
Number of hugs or other signs of intimacy
Number of healthy meals
Instances where you felt fear and acted despite it
Number of acts of compassion
Number of pages read (here are some of our favorites books on Stoicism)

Chess piece with reflection on black background

Stoic reflection questions

It may not always be feasible or practical to literally track metrics like these. They are useful for creating some accountability for recurring values or behaviors you’d like to display more consistently. But we don’t want to turn our Stoic daily reflection into a mechanical chore of pouring over numbers. The ancient Stoics were writers. Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations was literally his personal journal. It was never meant to be published.

Writing your thoughts down at the end of the day in honest reflection is a powerful tool. Writing has an almost magical ability to turn thoughts into reality. It clarifies your thinking and allows you to review, edit, and plan in a way that thinking without a pen and paper simply does not.

Here are some questions to serve as prompts to help your daily Stoic reflection:

Did I act in contradiction to my values? If yes, why? How will I prevent this in the future?
Was I honest to others and to myself?
Did I do anything to make the world a better place in any way?
Did I handle obstacles with calm and grace?
What are my plans for tomorrow? What are the potential obstacles that could stand in the way? How can I avoid or prevent those obstacles? Premeditatio malorum
Was I able to resist desires and temptations?
Did I have an opportunity to face a fear? How did I respond to this?
Did my words promote peace and reconciliation? Were they in harmony with my values?

How do Stoics define success?

Any Stoic practice of reflection should end with a gratitude practice. The Stoics had their now-famous phrase Memento mori (Latin for ‘remember you will die’). This is not meant to send you into a downward spiral of morbid despair. Instead, it’s meant to renew your excitement for life today. Remind yourself that this present moment is precious. Make a mental or written list of things you were grateful for today.

Your intention in the morning should be to neglect none of your values. If you can perform at least one positive action in relation to each value, then perhaps that day can be considered a good one. The Stoic practice of daily reflection requires a mid-day check in. Often our days contain distractions and conflicting priorities. It’s important to pause during the day and ask yourself how well you’re upholding your values. This gives you the opportunity to course-correct if things aren’t going well.

Acting in accordance with our true values and Stoic virtues should be integral to our own measure of personal success. Make this easy to remember by boiling down your values into keywords. Use these keywords as memory cues to aid your daily assessment and reflection.

Finally, don’t be too hard on yourself. The ultimate goal of Stoicism and Stoic daily reflection is to strengthen yourself so that you can help others. It’s a bit of a cliche, but one worth repeating here: You can’t truly love others unless you love yourself first. You will have unbalanced days. But never give up, for it is the act of striving for greatness and falling short that adds meaning and distinction to life.

“It is not by muscle, speed, or physical dexterity that great things are achieved, but by reflection, force of character, and judgment.”

– Marcus Tullius Cicero

Looking to begin the Stoic art of journaling?

Here are some recommended journals:

The Way Of Chuang Tzu & Four Practices Of Taoism

Who was Chuang Tzu? He was a champion of the individual, he drew lines in the sand against established power structures, and he often used humor and colorful paradox to convey his teachings. He was an influential Chinese philosopher who lived around the 4th century...

The Right Effort To Find Peace

We often think of peace as stillness. We think of tall grass gently swaying in a lakeside breeze, or of sitting in meditation with a waft of incense smoke curling up towards the ceiling. But peace also exists in a state of motion. Peace can even stem from discomfort....

Guided Sleep Meditation: A Stoic Approach to Restful Nights

Shaolin Master Shi Heng Yi: 16 Practical Lessons On Self-Mastery & Peace

Shi Heng Yi’s speech embodies calm and strength. Watching his Ted talks or his interviews, you see that he emanates both humility and confidence. He speaks slowly, thoughtfully, and deliberately. Balance is a core pursuit of The Mindful Stoic, so I was immediately...

8 Ways To Be Humble And Confident

“It’s hard to be humble when you’re as great as I am.” This quote comes to us from the legendary Muhammad Ali. It’s not hard to find other quotes of his just like this—oozing with in-your-face, unapologetic confidence and swagger. This conspicuous confidence serves...

Thich Nhat Hanh Walking Meditation

We walk all the time, but how many of us walk effortlessly? When was the last time you experienced pleasure from the simple act of walking? Walking is an opportune moment to be truly in the now. Taking one step followed by another is a powerful yet simple exercise to...

Thich Nhat Hanh & The Zen Practice Of Stopping

Thich Nhat Hanh was a Vietnamese Zen Buddhist monk, peace activist, prolific author, poet and teacher, historically known as the ‘father of mindfulness’. Nhat Hanh was a major influence on Western practices of Buddhism. He was exiled from South Vietnam in 1966 after...

How To Care Less About What Others Think Of You

There’s nothing quite like the flames of adversity for forging new realizations about oneself. I’m writing this shortly after emerging from one of my job’s peak periods. It wasn’t my first of these short bursts of high intensity and pressure. It was a period of about...

How Do You Meditate? Answering Most Googled Questions On Meditation

Much like the breath itself, meditation is always there for us—accessible to anyone. It pains me to hear people tell me that they or someone they know can’t meditate. I think people can be averted from practicing meditation because it has been somehow overcomplicated...

21 Human Performance Tips For Busy People

How To Manage Expectations About Life

Sep 11, 2021 | Balance

Are you where you want to be in life today? Does your bar for success and happiness continue to rise just a bit further out of reach with each passing year? We all love to ‘should on ourselves’. We all wrestle with expectations; whether it’s in comparison with distant daydreams, current projects, or the digital masterpiece of other people’s lives as presented on social media. There are cultural expectations like marital status and raising a family. There are economic ones like the magnetic pull to earn more money or to own a home. Even when we earn a decent living, we want more. Happiness is perhaps the most elusive of pursuits that falls into our scope of expectation. So how do we manage expectations about life? Everything is relative, but if you don’t know where you’ve placed your bar, you don’t know how high you need to jump.

We’ll explore ideas like the notion that happiness is a lousy thing to chase. We’ll examine the effect that social media is having on our sense of self-worth. If you’re like me, you have dozens of little ‘shoulds’ running around your head all the time. Don’t worry; we’ll examine that, too. Believing you can improve your position is a good thing. We just need to learn how to harness the guiding potential of those shoulds. This is something I will attempt to lay out clearly in the form of a practical exercise. Through all of this, we’ll embed everything about how to manage expectations about life in the bedrock of the present moment. Being here, now, mindfully is the most potent way to quell not only comparative anxiety but also to get to where you want to go more effectively.

This post contains affiliate links, which help us keep the blog afloat. Click here for more information.

Manage expectations specifically

Imagine if your boss came to you and asked you about your future salary expectations and you gave the following one-dimensional answer: ‘more’. It’s not very specific, to say the least, and it would likely result in a short and unproductive conversation. In this context, we see that being unspecific about important things is ridiculous. Yet we do this constantly with the notion of happiness. We know we want it, but we can rarely define it in concrete terms. The best way to get a grasp on what happiness means to you is to work it out on paper. Take your time, adjust it as you evolve as a person, but most importantly, break the concept of happiness down into specific and measurable elements.

Try this brainstorming exercise to help you define happiness more specifically. Grab a pen and paper and do a flowing brain dump of the things that make you feel happy. Here’s what that looked like for me: family, freedom, the right amount of challenge, adventure, cats, friendship, good food.

A practical exercise to help manage expectations

Now that you have a list of broad elements, elaborate on each one with simple “When I can…” statements. These statements should describe the condition upon which you enable the associated feeling of happiness. For example, “when I can fly to see my family three times a year, I feel happy”. Similarly, “when I have enough money to pay for new education to secure a career change, I feel a sense of freedom”. The critical part of this elaboration exercise is that it takes an abstract concept like freedom and specifies it into something measurable. I can measure how much money it costs and how much vacation time I need to visit my family three times a year. I can measure how much it will cost to attend a certain educational program and how much savings I would need to sustain myself during the program.

If you’ve not already paused to try this simple exercise on paper, I encourage you to do it now. If you have, you may be thinking ‘this is overwhelming because I’m so far off from some of my ‘when I can conditions’. I hear you. I’m far from achieving some of my own happiness conditions as well. However, the empowering feature of this exercise is not to realize that we’ve made it and the work is done. The purpose of the exercise is to have a more specific answer than ‘more’ when it comes to managing expectations. There’s nothing worse than chasing an undefined ‘more’. When we sit down and calculate what we need in order to align our current reality with our expectations, we can work towards them more effectively. If we can measure it, we can solve it.

Gratitude and awareness of the present moment are the bedrock

We’ve established that working toward something specific is better than entering the rat race blindfolded. But this still doesn’t solve the sense of relative inferiority or failure, because striving implies that we are not there yet. The means of relaxing this tension between where you are now and where you want to be is by grounding yourself in the present moment and constantly taking stock of everything in your life that inspires gratitude. A major theme of The Mindful Stoic blog is that striving and contentment can coexist. Admittedly, there is an inherent tension between wanting more and being more, but I believe it can be a healthy one.

Planning is such a crucial element when it comes to striking this balance between expectation and reality.

“If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.” – Lao Tzu

Once you’ve established the measurable elements that enable conditions for happiness, the next step is to draft plans that will help you get there. If you are not making enough money, you may need an intelligent and realistic plan for a career change or a side hustle. If you need companionship, you need a plan to expose yourself to more valuable social situations, such as special interest clubs or sports.

Plans change

There are two critical aspects to consider when drafting plans. First, they must be in written format and they must contain time-bound actions. Include in your plans realistic and achievable actions that are likely to move you closer to your goals and set dates by which you must complete them. Secondly, plans change. Set reminders in your calendar, perhaps twice a year, to revisit your plans. You evolve and grow as a person. Your expectations and goals may change depending on life circumstances. Abandoning a plan or goal because it is no longer relevant is much more productive than sticking to it for discipline’s sake. The idea here, again, is to bring structure to how you manage expectations about life.

The final point I would like to make about how to manage expectations more effectively is to stop comparing yourself to others. We see more communication (recently with documentary films such as The Social Dilemma) on the fact that social media has amplified comparative anxiety. There is the organic factor embedded in the fact that we all tend to present only the best versions of ourselves on social media. We only post pictures and stories about our exotic vacations, our expensive nights out, or our disciplined workout routines. We know people do this, yet it has the effect when scrolling through our feeds that leads to the subconscious conclusion that everyone else is amazing all the time.

Then, there is the artificial intelligence factor, which we don’t fully understand. Social media companies invest billions of dollars and use intimate information about us to feed algorithms designed to keep us scrolling.

Be specific in your comparisons

The Stoics and many Eastern philosophers prescribed that we should not compare ourselves to others but that we compare ourselves to ourselves.

“The only one you should compare yourself to is you. Your mission is to become better today than you were yesterday.” – John C. Maxwell

This is more than a simple epithet. When you break it down and think about it, the only logical reference point for improvement is your past performance. If I am training for a marathon, I cannot fixate on the previous times of other competitors in my area. Perhaps they are much taller than I am, have been doing it for much longer, or perhaps even had been taking performance-enhancing drugs.

Moreover, I have no insight into their training regimen and therefore no actual data on the process by which they transformed themselves from a non-marathon runner into a marathon runner. Conversely, I do have all the data on my own progress. I can measure how far I ran yesterday or last week. Again, the idea here is to be specific and measurable. The only way you can assess your performance with the highest quality of data is if that data comes from your life.

Learning how to manage expectations for yourself is a win-win situation. We know that living far below your ideals causes psychological distress. It is equally true that having undefined or needlessly increasing expectations traps us on a hamster wheel. It is therefore well worth our time to sit down and figure out exactly what we need to feel fulfilled. Even if we fall short in this pursuit, we will be better off than if we had not attempted.

Embrace the tension

Try the above-mentioned exercise to break down and analyze the conditions that will promote what you define as happiness. Make sure that these conditions are measurable and then draft a plan to guide you. Stay away from social media or at least be honest with yourself that it can lead to inevitable and unhealthy comparisons to others.

The preeminent point I will make to conclude this post is that you need to enjoy the process. Mindfulness is the most effective way of working toward a future condition while enjoying the present moment. Coupled with a lighthearted enjoyment of the process, we should take stock of everything for which we are grateful at least once a day. Manifesting gratitude is the best way to realize how far we’ve come. If we always have our heads buried in the sand working towards ‘more’, we fail to realize our past and current success. This is crucial because not only do you gain a great sense of contentment and satisfaction from the current state of our lives, but also you receive important feedback to let you know if you’re on the right path.

Indifferents In Stoicism Explained Through Gain, Loss, Pleasure & Pain

In the pivotal Game 5 of the 1997 NBA Finals, Michael Jordan battled a severe flu, yet soared to iconic heights. Against the surging Utah Jazz, he defied physical limits, sinking clutch shots and leading the Chicago Bulls to a crucial victory. His resilience showcased...

Life Untethered: Breaking The Four Categories Of Attachment – Part 1

The phrase ‘if you love something, set it free’ is used almost exclusively by the speaker to refer to another person. But why don’t we use this phrase on ourselves? We don’t usually think of setting ourselves free, probably because we don’t perceive ourselves as being...

Deepen Your Mindfulness Meditation Practice

Mindfulness is always now. It may sound trite, but it’s true. The reality of your life is always now and to realize this, and experience it, can be liberating. But, we spend most of our lives forgetting this truth—running from it, repudiating it. We somehow manage to...

The Way Of Chuang Tzu & Four Practices Of Taoism

Watering Roots, Not Leaves: Cultivating Compassion Effectively

In 1968, James Forest was traveling through the Midwestern United States with the late Buddhist monk and peace activist, Thich Nhat Hanh. They were thousands of miles from the napalm and Agent Orange that was raining down on Nhat Hanh’s native Vietnam. One evening,...

Mindfulness And Distraction: The Gardener Removes The Weeds

The essence of mindfulness is to shine as much awareness onto each moment as possible, and to notice the stimuli in our immediate surroundings. This beholding of the present moment, cupped precariously in our hands like water from a spring, is the closest we’ll ever...

No Self In Buddhism & Science: Tame The Ego, Start Living

I am quietly eroding all your relationships. I am insulting you. I am forcing you to act with greed and aggression. I make you jealous… I am you. The ‘I’ here is the subjective sense of self—the ‘I’ is your ego. As we’ll discover, no self thinking may be the antidote...

What Is Modern Stoicism? An Introduction & Essential Practices

How To Practice The Virtue Of Temperance In Stoicism

How To Focus On The Process

The outcome is the obstacle. When fixation on the desired outcome obscures focus on the task at hand, errors occur. Conversely, if our actions are not clouded by oversight, but executed with care, lightheartedness, and undivided attention, then we travel a much...

« Older Entries

Next Entries »

Follow us on social media

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by The Mindful Stoic (@mindfulstoic)

Acceptance is not resignation. The Stoic practice called The Art of Acquiescence teaches us to accept things that are beyond our control rather than fighting them. It is not, however, passive acceptance. It is not giving up.
— the mindful stoic (@themindfulstoic) January 30, 2024

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by The Mindful Stoic (@mindfulstoic)

Mindfulness is always now. The reality of your life is always now and to realize this, and experience it, can be liberating.
— the mindful stoic (@themindfulstoic) January 26, 2024