I blame the English dictionary for a good chunk of the misconceptions about Stoicism. Look up the word ‘stoic’ there and you’ll find something like, “a person who can endure pain or hardship without showing their feelings or complaining.” Or maybe it’s the wealth of social media accounts that associate imagery of ultra rugged men alongside quotes from famous Stoics. Whatever the reason, there is quite a bit of misconception about Stoicism out there. This article clears up eight common misconceptions about Stoicism.

1. “Stoics suppress their emotions and feel nothing.”

It’s a common misunderstanding to think that Stoicism advocates repressing emotions entirely. Stoics, practitioners of Stoicism, that is, aim to cultivate “apatheia” (freedom from destructive emotions) rather than apathy in the modern sense. They don’t ignore emotions. Rather, they strive to understand them, master them, and respond in ways that align with virtues and their values. Believing Stoicism is about “not showing emotions” oversimplifies this rich and practical philosophy focused on emotional resilience and balance.

2. “Stoicism is all about ‘toughing it out’ and self-denial.”

Stoicism is about resilience. It’s not gritting your teeth, rise and grind, or living an austere life for its own sake. Stoics value tranquility and happiness, which come from aligning actions with virtues like wisdom, courage, and justice—not merely from enduring hardship. The idea is to manage desires and focus on what truly matters rather than forcing yourself to “tough it out”.

This post contains affiliate links, which help us keep the blog afloat. Click here for more information.

3. “Stoics believe in fate, so everything is predetermined.”

Stoics accept that many aspects of life are outside our control, which is why they focus on mastering their responses to life’s ups and downs. But they also believe in the power of personal agency within those boundaries. Saying Stoics are “fatalistic” misses the mark; they work actively to respond to life rationally and virtuously, despite the unpredictability of the world.

4. “Stoicism is about positive thinking.”

Stoicism is not about positivity in the “conceive, believe, achieve” self-help sense. Instead, it teaches rationality, groundedness, and acceptance. While Stoics cultivate a calm acceptance of life’s ups and downs, they are not advocates of optimism without reason. Stoicism is actually more about seeing things as they are and focusing on what can be controlled, rather than “thinking positively” about everything.

5. “The goal of Stoicism is to be ‘unaffected’ by anything.”

While Stoics aim to cultivate inner calm, this doesn’t mean they strive to be completely detached or indifferent. Their goal is not to feel nothing but to reduce the sway of excessive emotions. Stoicism teaches us to engage with the world—just not to be dominated by impulses and passions. Their teachings focus on appropriate responses to emotions rather than avoiding emotions altogether.

Related article: Ataraxia: How Stoics Achieve Equanimity

6. “If you’re a Stoic, you don’t care about other people.”

Some interpret Stoicism as a cold, self-centered philosophy. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Stoics care deeply about the common good and human interconnection. They advocate treating others fairly, acting justly, and fulfilling one’s role in society to make the world a better place. 

Related article: Interconnection & Its Connection With Stoicism

7. “Marcus Aurelius and Seneca were perfect Stoics, so we should emulate them exactly.”

Stoics see even these figures as imperfect practitioners who strove to live by their principles. Anyone who practices Stoicism will struggle and fall short sometimes. Stoicism isn’t about hero-worship; it’s about continuously striving toward self-improvement, understanding that perfection is out of reach.

8. “Stoicism is a ‘hack’ for modern productivity.”

Stoic techniques like the dichotomy of control or negative visualization can help with focus and resilience, but framing it as a “life hack” for productivity trivializes the philosophy. Stoicism is fundamentally about cultivating inner virtue, moral character, and alignment with your own values, not just getting more done in the day. 

Final thoughts 

I’ve definitely made mistakes in writing about Stoicism and trying to incorporate its teachings into my personal conduct. I’m no historian. I’ve read books like Lives of the Stoics by Ryan Holiday (paid link) to gain historical perspective, but I only remember a handful of names and dates. That’s OK. What matters is that I’m trying to develop my character and Stoicism continues to be a useful framework for doing that. If you’re new or not-so-new to Stoicism, hopefully this article has cleared up some common misconceptions about Stoicism, and hopefully that helps you discover its purpose, which is to help you live a principled life. 

Spread the word and share the love 🙏

If you enjoyed this article, consider sharing it with your friends and followers on social media. Your support means the world to us. 💖 Click on the social share icons below and let others discover the insights, tips, and inspiration you found here. Together, we can create a community of like-minded individuals who practice mindfulness and Stoicism.

👉 Remember, a simple click can make a big difference!

Antipater is a lesser-known Stoic, yet he was head of the school during a period that saw Stoicism extend to public life. Stoic philosophers were sent on diplomatic missions. Some advised kings. But Antipater’s contributions brought Stoicism closer to home. He was perhaps the first Western philosopher to argue that marriage isn’t a mere economic arrangement, but instead a symbiotic melding of two souls. To him, this lifelong commitment didn’t just require virtue. It was inextricably linked to virtue. He began to restore focus on what Stoicism was meant to be and what it remains today—a philosophy for living. Most people with some knowledge of Stoicism have probably heard of the phrase ‘memento mori’, which means remember your mortality. But there’s a flip side to that coin which is often overlooked. Memento mori is just the tip of the iceberg. Memento vivere is what lies beneath the water’s surface. 

The meaning of memento vivere 

Memento vivere is a Latin phrase meaning “remember to live”. The difference between memento mori and memento vivere is that the former is a wake-up call and the latter is what you do once you’re awake. Sure, it’s useful to be aware of one’s mortality, to ponder it from time to time. But then what? Curl up under the sheets in fear, awaiting the end? No. The response is to live with vigor and purpose. The response is to develop an intimate relationship with all that’s beautiful about this life, to reach out and touch nature, to breathe. 

“Marriage,” Antipater said, “is among the primary and most necessary of appropriate actions.” I don’t intend to make this article about marriage but it’s a good example to illustrate the Stoic way of embracing life, because marriage is hard. There’s a reason Antipater and other Stoic philosophers taught young people how to be good spouses. It takes effort to cultivate sublime experiences. All four of the Stoic cardinal virtues—courage, justice, wisdom, and temperance—are woven into a successful relationship.

The same is true for other facets of life. To extract the most from them, we need to show up with mindful awareness. Memento vivere is a call to action. It reminds us to bring a little effort (and even a little strategy) to how we interface with all aspects of life. 

Related article: Memento Mori: Embracing Life’s Impermanence In The Digital Age

This post contains affiliate links, which help us keep the blog afloat. Click here for more information.

How to practice memento vivere

If you look broadly in the literature, you can find that Stoicism has advised on everything from how to sell a home to how to conduct your sex life. This is what attracts me to Stoicism. It’s always acknowledged that we have roles to play in this life. It understands that we have commitments, some of which can be conflicting at times. This is what makes it so practical and easy to recall when real-life situations pop up. 

To write an article on how to practice memento vivere is to write an article on how to live. Where to begin? 

I want to focus on the foundation—the pillars that will help you practice memento vivere so you can engage with life from a place of optimism, joy, and courage. The three pillars of this framework are gratitude, agency, and engagement. 

Memento vivere and gratitude

Our first two pillars, gratitude and agency, came to me not from a book on Stoicism, but from a podcast based on the latest science in the domain of human health and performance. I’m talking about the Huberman Lab podcast, particularly the four episodes they did with Dr. Paul Conti, a psychiatrist and renowned expert on mental health. The series of episodes focused on mental health as opposed to mental illness. They discussed two concepts more than any others over the span of those four episodes. Those concepts were gratitude and agency. 

They spoke about gratitude as a verb—as an action that requires your attention and effort. You may have heard of the importance of gratitude to the extent that it’s becoming cliché. You may find that the people touting gratitude journals are corny. But the fact remains that gratitude is no trivial matter. Gratitude makes the difference between joy and despair. 

Just as memento vivere reminds us to live actively, not passively, we must remind ourselves to be active with gratitude. Corny as they may seem, gratitude journals or some form of formal dedication to gratitude are necessary. It’s not enough to say ‘I really should do that’. Gratitude is one of just a few pillars of mental health. To make gratitude practice a habit, you could start by pairing it with something you already do habitually. It could be your morning breakfast or coffee. It could be a hot shower. These are things you’re not going to skip. They’re also examples of the many mundane, yet wonderful things we all take for granted. They’re ideal moments to practice gratitude. 

Memento vivere and agency 

In his book Courage is Calling (paid link), Ryan Holiday tells the story of Xenophon, the illustrious Athenian cavalry commander, who confronted a dire situation in the heart of Persia amidst ten thousand of his fellow troops lacking a leader. As Xenophon tried to rally the despondent men frozen with fear and frustration, anticipating the next calamity, he shared a profound dichotomy with them. Xenophon presented the soldiers with a crucial choice between two attitudes: one questioning, “What is going to happen to me?” and the other prompting, “What action am I going to take?”

The former attitude is one of despair. The latter is what a person exerting their agency asks themselves. To ask yourself that question and come up with an answer is the fundamental first step towards agency. The second and final step is taking the action. 

Here agency refers to our active and intentional ability to make choices, take decisive actions, and exert control over our lives.

Huberman and Conti discussed agency at length. Along with gratitude, it is one of just a few essential components for mental health. Again, like with gratitude, they spoke about agency as a verb. We must assert our agency regularly. In response to obstacles that arise, we ask ourselves the same question that Xenophon asked his troops: “What action am I going to take?” 

Asserting agency

Agency is your ability to affect change in your life. It’s your ability to manipulate your environment. So agency is also about preparedness. One way I measure agency in my own life is by my ability to make lateral moves. If I had to move to a different city next month, would I be able to do it? A different country? A different continent? Do I have the means to make the move? Am I capable of handling the plethora of administrative tasks required to make that move—applying for a visa, finding a new job, a new apartment, getting health insurance.

If the answer is no to any of those questions, then there’s my precious opportunity to assert agency. I can practice agency by doing the little things that would enable me to say yes to all of those questions. So like gratitude, agency is not just something we think about for a few minutes when someone or something reminds us of its importance. It has to be a daily practice. We must remember to assert agency, not only as a pillar of mental health, but as part of our practice of memento vivere—remembering to live. 

Related article: How To Practice Amor Fati: Turning Fate Into Your Ally

Memento vivere and engagement

Motivation and drive are crucial components of memento vivere. Life isn’t happening inside your comfort zone. We need a little forward momentum to carry us toward adventure. We need vigor to engage with this beautiful world—to meet new people, to experience new cultures, to connect with the natural world. There are things out there that will scare you. But you must have the courage to engage with life despite your fear. Usually, anxiety is nothing more than your body preparing itself to engage with something new, something unexpected. 

The Right Effort fold of the Eightfold Path reminds us that it takes effort to live with mindfulness, intention, and understanding. It’s a path to be walked, not whisked along on an e-scooter. 

The practical way to begin engaging with life more deliberately is to get outside. Home is a comfort zone. There’s nothing wrong with having a comfortable home. It’s an obvious necessity. But there’s so much more to offer outside. We need to seek out novel experiences. Been practicing Jiu jitsu for ten years? Maybe try a yoga class. Consider yourself a runner? Become a swimmer for some time. You’re a beach person? Try backpacking in the mountains. Have kids? Make a long list of parks, trails, museums, galleries, theaters, zoos, farms, and sports clubs to take them to on the weekends. Carve out the time and muster up the energy to get out there. When things start to get a bit scary, you’ll know you’re on the right path. 

“There is nothing worth doing that is not scary. There is no one who has achieved greatness without wrestling with their own doubts, anxieties, limitations, and demons.” – Ryan Holiday, Courage Is Calling (paid link)

Final thoughts 

Memento vivere. Remember to live. It might sound crazy. Of course I’m living. How could I forget to live? 

Often, we’re on autopilot. 

Thich Nhat Hanh called it habit energy. It’s a degree of mindlessness that becomes ingrained in us through our repeated actions, many of which are forward focused. We plan. We strive. We work ourselves to exhaustion and then we just need to rest until the next bout of work. 

Memento mori is meant to be the wakeup call. Remembering that your time is limited is meant to jolt you back to the present moment. Memento vivere is what you do with that present moment. Living is an art. No other subject has been written about more than how to live one’s life. It takes effort. It takes practice. Gratitude, agency, and engagement will serve you as signposts. I can’t imagine that anyone doesn’t want to live an engaged and purposeful life. The first question is ‘how?’ To that, I hope you found a starting point in this article. The next question is ‘when?’ To that, I hope your answer is now.

Spread the word and share the love 🙏

If you enjoyed this article, consider sharing it with your friends and followers on social media. Your support means the world to us. 💖 Click on the social share icons below and let others discover the insights, tips, and inspiration you found here. Together, we can create a community of like-minded individuals who practice mindfulness and Stoicism.

👉 Remember, a simple click can make a big difference!