The Right Effort To Find Peace
We often think of peace as stillness. We think of tall grass gently swaying in a lakeside breeze, or of sitting in meditation with a waft of incense smoke curling up towards the ceiling. But peace also exists in a state of motion. Peace can even stem from discomfort. Peace is more than the common imagery of pinkish-orange sunsets or a lotus floating serenely on calm water. When we look a little closer at peace in its various forms, as this article intends to do, we see that peace is not an inherent state granted to some and withheld from others. Nor is peace waiting for us on the other side of a long meditation retreat. No, sometimes, we find peace through our ability to act upon that which we can control. Peace is equally our inaction—our inaction in the face of that which we cannot control.
The Oxford dictionary defines peace as ‘freedom from disturbance; tranquility’ and ‘mental calm; serenity.’
But what’s the opposite of peace?
The same dictionary provides the antonyms agitation, distress.
Not to focus on the negative, but let’s continue this train of thought. If distress is the opposite of peace, then what causes distress? Perhaps preventing the causes of distress is one way to find peace. Let’s take a look at the first 4 causes of distress as reported by Medical News Today in their article What are the causes and symptoms of emotional distress?:
- feeling overwhelmed, helpless, or hopeless
- feeling guilty without a clear cause
- spending a lot of time worrying
- having difficulty thinking or remembering
Now, it goes without saying that this article is by no means medical advice. See your doctor if you’re experiencing extreme or prolonged distress. But from an actionable philosophy perspective, if we look at these four causes of distress one common remedy jumps to mind: ceasing to focus on what cannot be controlled. In the above list we see words like helpless, overwhelmed, and worrying. We feel helpless when we have no traction and feel overwhelmed when we have too much to do. We worry, often, about future scenarios that are almost always unlikely to play out. Again, the first step to solving all of these problems is to identify uncontrollable variables and then to waste no energy pursuing them, in mind and in body. This way we not only eliminate extraneous worries, but we also zero in on what’s most likely to lead us in the right direction.
You have power over your mind—not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.
But how do we identify controllable vs. uncontrollable variables?
When we act with deliberation and careful reflection on the things we do control, we can find peace in knowing that we’ve done all we can. Conversely, when we exert ourselves against the immovable objects that are the things beyond our control, we feel drained, discouraged, and distressed. But how can we identify the things within our control?
Sometimes, controllable variables are obvious. If I study well for the exam, I will likely receive a higher grade. Here the variable is the amount of time spent studying, which is entirely within our control. Other times, they are less obvious. What if I have exam anxiety during the test? Here the variable is the level of anxiety, which is much more difficult to actively control.
One thing to note about attempting to control variables for a desired outcome is that the worries associated with it usually outnumber the actions you can take. You can see this for yourself if you take a desired outcome of an upcoming project or event and write down all the things you can actually do to ensure it goes well. Then, write down all the worries or potentially bad outcomes, and you’ll likely find that this list is significantly longer than the list of real actions. This long list of undesirable outcomes is like a sinkhole, consuming our focus and diverting our energy away from the right actions.
Singular focus to find peace
It is often one or two simple actions that decrease the chances of the worries from ever becoming real. Exam anxiety. Traffic jams on the way there. Mental block. Surprise questions. Nausea. Headaches. Forgot my calculator… These are all possible distress-causing worries from the above test-taker’s example. But from our vantage point, it’s easy to see that there are only one or two actions our student can take in this scenario: study hard, leave for the exam well in advance. That’s it. By focusing on these actions within our control, we find peace, but we also find confidence, which is surely to have a mitigating effect on all those distress-causing worries. We realize that our singular focus clears the path, and any unexpected obstacles encountered along the way will either be removed by prior preparation or there was nothing we could have done.
Objectively good vs subjectively bad
Another way to approach this early identification of what’s within control and what’s not is to consider the possible outcomes, both good and bad. This simple and imaginative brainstorming (deliberately, on your own terms and not amid the whirlwind of habitual worry) allows us to identify the outcomes we desire and those which we fear. Once you do this, ask yourself which are objectively good and which are subjectively bad. By objectively good I mean a real result that could be observed and classified as good by anyone. By subjectively bad I mean a result that you may perceive as bad, but in reality may be caused by your fears and that may not actually harm you.
Let’s take Sam, our friendly sales associate about to pitch his company’s new service package to a potential client. Objectively good outcome for Sam: the client is convinced that Sam’s company’s services will solve their problems and agrees to pay for their services. Subjectively bad: the client doesn’t like Sam. The client doesn’t like Sam’s appearance. Sam does something embarrassing during the pitch.
If we take a step back and analyze Sam’s potential outcomes, an exercise aided by their new classification of objective or subjective, we notice a few things. First, we see that the objective ones are a matter of fact whereas the subjective ones are more imaginary. Secondly, we see that the objective outcomes are measurable, and therefore actionable, whereas the subjective ones are neither of those things.
Working backwards
Now Sam has one objective outcome he wants to pursue: demonstrating the problem-solving potential of his services to his prospective client. This is measurable. Either he returns to his office later that afternoon with paperwork to onboard a new client or he does not—1 new client vs. 0 new clients. Now he can work backwards from this one objective. Sam can work to identify the client’s needs. He can make strong associations between the advantages of his services and the client’s desires and work on convincing arguments.
He can action all of this without his focus being clouded by immaterial concerns such as his smile, his haircut, or whether or not he’s ‘likeable’. Sam cannot measure whether or not the potential client likes his smile, haircut, or anything else about him for that matter, nor will any of these factors likely affect his desired outcome. Therefore, Sam is much better off allocating little or no effort to these variables.
But how does he prevent those subjectively bad things? I mean, surely he doesn’t want to do anything embarrassing, surely he wants to arrive with a confident smile, right? Of course he does, but the thing about undivided attention on his measurable outcome is that it allows him to arrive more prepared, less frazzled, more confident and therefore convincing. Not only that, but when he has singular focus, he can simply do the work. He can find pleasure in working on the task at hand. He’s already identified the desired outcome in the beginning of his exercise, so now he can let go of it. Now he can enjoy his work, leaving him tranquil, free of disturbance, at peace.
This is but one way to find peace
I want to acknowledge that I’m in no position to define peace or how to seek it for anyone. Peace can be fluid, personal, and transient. I simply wish for this article to show that careful and deliberate action on what we can control is one means of finding peace. I hope that it provides food for thought for anyone who has ever become disillusioned by their meditation, yoga, or exercise practices for failing to provide peace.
Peace can come in doing what we’re meant to be doing—and doing it with a sense of lighthearted purpose, conviction and undivided focus. Diverting our efforts from swerving into the ditch of uncontrollable variables can also bring peace. With some quiet reflection before embarking on any journey, we can begin to see the path for what it really is—a singular way forward to something real and measurable. Once we know the path, all we can do is follow it as best we can and deal with unexpected bumps when (or if) they meet us.
We can’t pray our soul into better condition. We’ve got to move and live our way there. It will take our body—our habits, our actions, our rituals, our self care—to get our spirit in the right place, just as it takes our mind and spirit to get our body to the right place.
