I am quietly eroding all your relationships. I am insulting you. I am forcing you to act with greed and aggression. I make you jealous… I am you. The ‘I’ here is the subjective sense of self—the ‘I’ is your ego. As we’ll discover, no self thinking may be the antidote to so much corrosive thought and behavior.
In Buddhism, the sense of self is considered a critical illusion. Over-attachment to the ego is seen as a fundamental ignorance that causes human suffering. The Stoics, too, teach us to slice through the delusion of ‘me and mine’. Marcus Aurelius said, “Choose not to be harmed—and you won’t feel harmed. Don’t feel harmed—and you haven’t been.”
We could avoid so much interpersonal conflict if we could just let go of the urge to defend ourselves. Most disputes don’t need to spiral into grudges that last years. The burning demand for an apology when we feel we’ve been wronged can stand in the way of so much love and compassion.
But, what is it really that we’re defending? What is it that needs an apology? What is the sense of self?
What is no self?
In this article, when I use the term ‘no self’, I do so with the following definition:
No self is the recognition that the sense of self or ego is not some all-important main actor commanding our subjective experience, contrary to our intuition. In Buddhism, no self is not just a recognition that the ego is less important than we perceive it to be, but that the sense of self is an illusion.
In Buddhism, no self is also known by its Pali term anatta. A related concept is non-dualism, which suggests that there is no difference between the subject that is perceiving and the object that is being perceived.
This is not to say that you don’t exist. Buddhist no self philosophy acknowledges fully that the notion of self is real—it feels incredibly real. You have a name. You have psychological continuity with your past. When you wake up tomorrow, this continuity will prevail. You exist and no one is debating that.
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There’s so much more to life than the self
Practicing no self starts with the humble recognition that the sense of self is only one part of your existence. Since the sense of self is inextricably linked to your self-talk—to your thoughts and inner dialogue—and since we’re constantly interpreting reality through thought, it can feel like it’s everything.
However, we know that there are other states of consciousness in which the feeling of self is suspended. Examples of this are empathy and deep states of meditation in which, if even for five seconds, you have no thoughts. Even flow states or being ‘in the zone’, where actions just seem to pour out of you without having to think about them, are no self experiences.
In this article, we’ll present some science-based findings that support the idea of no self in Buddhism. Then, we’ll discuss the primordial importance of attempting to loosen your grip on your sense of self. As we’ll see, the sense of self causes so much avoidable suffering. Finally, we’ll draw upon a concept from Buddhism called The Five Poisons of Ego Delusion to extract a practical approach to no self thinking.
You don’t own your ego
In a recent podcast appearance, neuroscientist and meditation advocate Sam Harris asked the listeners to try the following: in sitting meditation, look for the ‘I’ behind the thought—look for the thinker producing the thoughts. Surely, this is where we can find the sense of self, right? Well, no. When you try this, you’ll see that there is no author behind your thoughts. They simply arise.
Harris suggests another thought experiment that anyone can do: try to predict exactly what your next thought will be. You’ll find that it is impossible. If there really were a pilot commanding the ship, wouldn’t it know what thought is coming next?
This line of thinking is not meant to foster doubt about your existence. Rather, it’s meant to show that although the sense of self feels like the most real thing in your life, it’s possible that experience is the ultimate truth. It shows that even our thoughts—the ones we feel we own and control—may be experiential, not unlike the experience of sensing rain drops landing on your skin or hearing birds singing in the garden. You don’t own the raindrops or the birds’ songs. They are not yours for keeping or defending. You simply experience them.
No self in science
In his book, No Self, No Problem: How Neuropsychology Is Catching Up To Buddhism, Chris Niebauer, Ph.D. emphasizes that the sense of self is largely based on language. Since the ego depends on language to manifest itself in the form of thoughts, it means that it’s associated with left brain processes.
The left brain is responsible for language and pattern recognition. But, as Niebauer points out, neither language or patterns truly exist in the natural world. They are mental constructs. Thoughts are the map. Reality is the territory.
He points out that the sense of self itself is a series of patterns. The characteristics we assign to ourselves—kind, hard-working, creative, et al.—are patterns that we’ve observed about ourselves. But, again, patterns are mere interpretations of reality.
Also, he makes the keen observation that, “There is no ‘me’ without ‘not me’,” meaning the left brain defines the self in relation to differences it observes between you and others.
I take this as supporting evidence for interconnectedness—the idea espoused by both Buddhism and Stoicism that we are all fundamentally connected. If all other beings ceased to exist or if you were born in a vacuum without others to serve as reference points, would your ego even exist?
Related article: Exploring Secular Buddhism: A Practical Guide To Modern Buddhist Wisdom
No self, no misunderstandings
Niebauer demonstrates that the left brain often gets things wrong. It goes to great lengths to make value judgments and interpretations. The left brain does somersaults to ‘make sense’ of reality, but it rarely does this with perfect accuracy.
The essence of Niebauer’s findings is that science cannot locate the sense of self. Then, the interpretations of the left brain, including the ones about ourselves, are often unreliable and inconsistent. Therefore, we should practice healthy skepticism and humility when it comes to the ego.
If this sounds depressing, don’t forget that the left brain is only half the story here. Niebauer also writes about right brain consciousness. He explains that it’s involved in states of empathy, creativity, and perspective. Both Niebauer and Harris prescribe meditation and mindfulness as a means of developing greater access to right brain consciousness to begin experiencing life without the distortions of value judgments.
The benefits of no self thinking
The science and the tradition both suggest that the sense of self is responsible for most if not all human suffering. This is because the self comes with baggage. It comes with judgments. It comes with ‘us versus them’ baked in. I don’t need to explain how ‘I-am-good-and-they-are-bad’ thinking leads to misunderstandings at best and violence at worst.
Also, the ego enjoys its own pain and suffering just as much as it seeks pleasure. Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo explains in her book, The Heroic Heart: Awakening Unbound Compassion, that the ego simply wants to be placed on a pedestal. It wants attention. What better way for it to soak up the spotlight than to feel insulted or injured?
Developing a no self practice whereby you lessen your attachment to the ego by taking it much less seriously and uncovering experience without judgment is a sure means of reducing suffering in your life.
Even the most minor of grievances you’ve had with others were undoubtedly caused by the sense of self seeming very real, all-important, and in need of validation.
With no self thinking, we can begin to investigate emotions like anger and jealousy. We can begin to see the perspectives of others and recognize that they are suffering, too. We can apologize even when the left brain has decided that we did nothing wrong.
Embarrassment, too, is a major hindrance to so much positive behavior. Public speaking is the most common human fear and one that I struggle with. The fear of expressing oneself publicly stems from the need to defend the fortress. No self thinking allows us to see there is nothing to defend.
How to practice no self
In Buddhism, the no self delusion is said to feed off of five poisons. These five hindrances to no self practice provide a useful way to categorize the behaviors and thought patterns that lead to over-attachment to the ego. Breaking this complex concept into smaller chunks helps to bring structure to our practice.
The five poisons of ego delusion and ignorance are greed, aggression, pride, jealousy, and envy.
Greed
Be content with what you have and practice healthy habits of consumption. Today, marketers are armed with your data and powerful AI tools, so their influence over your sense of desire is increasingly powerful and difficult to detect. Taming the desire for ‘more’ reduces your ego’s perceived need to compete with others.
Click here to read a related article: Desirelessness Is Happiness: 7 Practices To Help You Let Go
Aggression
Aggression stems from either the perceived need to assert dominance over others or the need to defend oneself. Dominance is usually wrapped up in power dynamics and social hierarchies. Niebauer would likely point out that these are simply patterns recognized by the left brain. If we can view these social structures and hierarchies for what they really are—mental constructs—we are less likely to treat them as imperative. Once they lose some of their importance, they lose a lot of their influence over our actions.
Pride
We often think of pride as a positive thing, and, in moderation, it probably is. The opposite of pride is shame. If we’re ashamed of ourselves, then we become hesitant and ineffective. An ineffective person lacks the strength to act compassionately towards others. If our ultimate goal is to reduce suffering in others and ourselves, then we need confidence to embark on this long and, at times, difficult path toward compassion. In this sense, we need to use the ego to transcend the ego.
Excessive pride leads to arrogance, which strengthens attachment to the ego. When we believe we are better than others, we play the ego’s favorite game: comparing ourselves to others. So, it’s clear that we need balance when it comes to pride.
Be proud of yourself when you achieve a goal. Take a moment to celebrate the fruits of your hard work. But, perhaps the most effective way to temper your pride is to take on goals that feed into compassion. Set some goals that track and measure the number of acts of kindness you perform. Keep yourself accountable for the health of your relationships. When you succeed in these endeavors, the resulting sense of pride is sure to be balanced.
Jealousy
With all emotions, it’s helpful to remember that we have them for a reason. Jealousy has many use cases. For men, it evolved partly as a mechanism to alleviate or dispel paternal doubt—the uncertainty of whether or not a child is actually theirs. Since the primary driver of evolution is reproduction, it makes sense that jealousy evolved to help men and women ensure that their partner was worthy of the enormous investment required to raise children.
Jealousy, as it pertains to sexual relationships, can be very intense. So, if you’re struggling with jealousy in your life, first remember that there is nothing wrong with you. This emotion evolved in humans for a reason.
Infidelity itself is not a lethal act, but the ego would make you think otherwise. To guard against intense feelings of jealousy, remember that at most you’re facing a perceived threat to a sense of self which may or may not even exist. Your ability to have wonderful experiences in the world will prevail regardless of the actions of others.
Envy
Unlike pride and jealousy, envy is a hindrance to no self thinking for which there are simple, actionable solutions. The best way to temper envy is to stop comparing yourself to others. The most effective way to do this is to stop paying attention to others. This means less (much less) social media. Also, foster an attitude of abundance. Remind yourself constantly of your gratitude for all that you have. And don’t just limit this to physical possessions or people in your life. Be grateful for your potential, skills, achievements, but also your flaws, quirks, and imperfections. Embrace all of you so that you feel whole. With a feeling of wholeness, there is no room for envy.
Final thoughts
No self thinking is very hard. For most of our lives, we’ve been conditioned to feel that the concept of ‘me’ is everything. We feel as though the sense of self is a life-and-death matter. We go most of our lives without questioning the ego. But, there’s a reason that ancient traditions like Buddhism and Stoicism placed the ego near the center of their philosophies.
Today, science is beginning to find evidence to support the idea that the sense of self is not everything. No self practice is not a call to eliminate who you are as a person. You can and should continue to cherish yourself, protect yourself, and above all, love yourself. No self lets us loosen our grip a bit. It leads us to greater humility. No self leads us to reconcile quicker with those we love. It breaks down judgments. It leads us to simply experience the wonders of life, and to treat those as the ultimate truth.
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