When was the last time you judged someone? Let’s be honest. I’ll bet that you judged someone today. You probably didn’t even notice, and that’s entirely natural. Judgment of others is part of our evolution. We need value judgments to align ourselves with people who will promote our survival and stay away from those who may harm us. But now that we live in relatively safe and low-stakes environments, our psychological distress from the judgment of others can feel more prominent and invasive. In this article, I’ll share some mindfulness and Stoicism-based concepts to help you get over your fear of judgment.

An exercise to reduce your fear of judgment

On a piece of paper, write a list of your core values on the left side of the page. These may include family, health, compassion, peace, education… Then, on the right side of the page, write down your goals, plans, aspirations, daily actions; basically anything that requires effort to accomplish. 

Now, draw lines to connect your values to your actions. Are there any gaps where an action doesn’t align with a value? Are there some actions that align with multiple values? This is a good way to examine how your aspirations align with your values, which is a powerful thought exercise, because aspirations that are closely connected to core values will be backed by an immense reserve of motivation, will power, and conviction. Aspirations with no foundation in values will not benefit from the propulsion of true motivation. 

If we act according to our values, we act with conviction and we foster true motivation. If our speech and actions in a social environment are closely aligned with our core values, then these words and actions will be more immune to the criticism of others. Unfounded criticism and judgment will be more easily ignored. Helpful criticism will be embraced and implemented. 

How to get over fear of judgment at work

Many of us are not fortunate enough to be working in our dream jobs, and our jobs don’t always align with our core values. To make matters worse, the workplace is an environment that’s ripe with judgment and criticism. 

One way around this is to separate the ego entirely from your work life, or to forge a ‘work ego’ and a ‘life ego’. Much like the identification of values, it’s useful to identify the roles in your life that add meaning. What are the roles in your life that fill you with pride? They could include son, daughter, father, mother, friend, neighbor, volunteer, traveler, etc. 

Once you identify the roles that make up who you are, you’ll notice that they are quite distinct from your role as accountant, sales person, client data manager, etc. This exercise of separating your roles from your work life helps you conduct yourself within the workplace with a higher level of immunity against judgment and criticism. When you make mistakes at work or find yourself at the center of some embarrassment, you can be reassured by the fact that it was not you in your deepest form that made the mistake, or at least not the you that is aligned with your deepest and most cherished values. 

Reduce your fear of judgment by finding your purpose

A hobby should be either social, charitable, educational or creative. 

If you can find a hobby that fits the above definition and aligns with your core values, you can begin to take immense pride in your actions from a source other than your job. In essence, if your job doesn’t make you feel like you’re making a difference or contributing anything of value to society, then you can either complain about it and feel sorry for yourself, or you can carve out one hour a day to work on something that you truly value. 

This has a twofold benefit. On the one hand, you’re working toward something that gives your true self a sense of pride and accomplishment. On the other hand, you stop looking at your job to provide that sense of satisfaction, which ultimately makes you more immune to any negative judgment or experience that happens there.

Acknowledge your fear of judgment

Try to notice when you are judging others. We’ve been taught to view pre-judgment as a bad thing. Your quick judgment of others is natural and rooted in our evolution. As long as you’re kind and compassionate, your initial judgments will be shaped and molded by your future interactions with that person. 

It’s okay to judge a book by its cover as long as you eventually read the book and allow that experience to form your initial judgment into a new, more informed one. 

Accept your fear of judgment

Now that you’ve practiced observing your own judgment of others, take a moment to reflect on and accept the fact that others will be doing the same to you. They are not doing this out of hatred or malevolence; rather it is an innate characteristic that all humans share. Accepting the fact that others judge you and knowing that their ultimate opinions of you exist independently of how you see yourself will eventually help you get over your fear of judgment. 

Try this exercise to help reduce fear of judgment

Here’s a beneficial and fun exercise: ask someone a ‘stupid’ question on purpose. For example, at a vegan restaurant, you could ask the server ‘so you really don’t have any meat options?’ Surely, this person will give you a strange look and will make sweeping judgments about you. Make sure you do this seriously and don’t treat it as a joke. When you set yourself up and willingly accept negative judgment from others in this way, you have a unique and controlled vantage point from which you can observe it and notice how harmless it really is.

Be compassionate

The more we practice compassion and empathy towards others, the more they will see us in this light as well. Conversely, if we are unnecessarily negative and astringent in our judgments of others, this will manifest itself in a form of paranoia where we expect the same mean-spirited judgment from others.

Slow down to reduce your fear of judgment

It may not seem obvious that slowing down could have a positive effect on our fear of judgment, but many of our fears stemming from our modern, social environments are ill-founded and arise simply because we transition too quickly from one experience to another. 

By slowing our actions and our speech, we allow ourselves brief moments of reflection where we can process information from our environment. In doing so, we can see the true nature behind things that we perceive to be harmful. The true nature is often that other peoples’ actions or words are not intended to harm us, or even if they are, they actually have no negative consequences in our lives. A moment of reflection and perspective is a powerful instrument against many perceived threats, including the judgment of others. 

If you pause and digest the practices and insights shared in this article, you may notice that they are all enabled by one thing: mindfulness. The ability to acknowledge a situation or a stimulus is enabled by the ability to pause and breathe. The ability to accept negative things as they are comes from the practice of sitting with our emotions and accepting them as they ebb and flow. Also, a true practitioner of mindfulness and Stoicism leverages pen and paper to resolve issues as complex as the dissatisfaction with one’s job and their relationship with their own ego and values. 

All of this takes practice. Even something as humanly innate as the fear of judgment can be softened or even removed with practice, persistence, patience, and positive thinking. 

Further reading

Learn more about overcoming fear of judgment by reading our article How To Care Less About What Others Think Of You or our article on generalized fear How To Accept Fear: 5 Truths About Fear To Help You Advance Despite Fear.