Summary of How To Fight by Thich Nhat Hanh

Part of his Mindfulness Essentials series, in How To Fight, Thich Nhat Hanh teaches us to resolve conflict by watering the roots—by tending to the source of tension in our relationships. Too often, we blame the other person in interpersonal conflict. We point fingers because we have misunderstood aspects of our own suffering and craving. Nhat Hanh gives us the tools to take care of our own suffering in a way that ripples outward, eventually soothing the suffering of others and smoothing our relationships. In this summary of How To Fight by Thich Nhat Hanh, I’ll share what I believe are the most practical takeaways.

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Summary of How To Fight by Thich Nhat Hanh

The problem with how we engage with conflict is that we’re too focused on fighting with the other person rather than understanding our own feelings about the situation. This is like running after the person who set your house on fire rather than returning home to put out the flames.

When we feel anger boiling up inside us, the first thing to do is pause. Stop and return to your breathing. Refrain from doing or saying anything under this condition.

The ability to pause in a moment of anger is profound. It gives us the opportunity to spread compassion and understanding in the world rather than anger and suffering.

Focusing on the breath amidst the grip of anger is not an act of suppression. It is an act of awareness. When we recognize our anger, we can embrace it with gentle understanding.

Mindfulness allows us to stop wrestling with our anger and simply say hello to it.

Loving speech is the way to navigate difficult interpersonal situations.

Finding stillness for yourself is critical for developing the kind of mindful awareness needed to pause during an interpersonal conflict.

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Loving speech can (and often does) mean apologizing without the need to explain or justify.

Loving speech also means telling the truth and speaking in a way that inspires hope, joy, and confidence in others.

Before reconciliation with another can begin, you first need to develop an intimate understanding of your own feelings.

Victim number two: Remember that another person’s anger or resentment toward you is first caused by their own suffering. Because that person doesn’t know how to handle their suffering, they remain the first victim of it. You are only victim number two.

Killing anger: We kill our anger by smiling at it. We hold it tenderly, rather than rejecting it. This is a means of transforming anger rather than suppressing it.

I hope you enjoyed this summary of How To Fight by Thich Nhat Hanh. For more book summaries, click here to check out our book summaries playlist on YouTube.

Click here to learn more about or purchase How To Fight by Thich Nhat Hanh on Amazon.

Discover the other books in this series on Amazon:

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Summary of How To Fight by Thich Nhat Hanh

Summary of How To Fight by Thich Nhat Hanh

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